Success and Failure...

I had a feeling of both this week. I have had an up and down week. There were tears and anger and there were smiles and holy wow I did that!!??!!

So lets start with the low... I get on the scale to get my weight for the start of the 21 day fix and things of that nature and well...I find that there was something stuck on the bottom of it and I am off on my weight loss by 20 pounds. So it is only 40 for the year...40 pounds in 4 months and I am griping (again not my best moment, but I fix it in a few minutes...just staying honest and transparent here. I mean seriously I have lost 10 pounds a month and I was still throwing a temper tantrum I was not at my best that morning!)  Clothes are fitting weird or not at all due to where weight is shifting and things are not the way they were a few weeks ago...hubby is going away for the week...and well Mother's day...'nuff said on that one.  So, I cried and I threw a fit on Thursday. I got mad and I went into a funk. Now there is something I want to point out here....I did not turn to food, I vented to friends, I let the tears flow, and I dug into some bible study....and I found this gem! Of course I also referred back to the years theme verse...Philippians 4:13. I just proved to myself that I can suffer a great loss, a setback if you may, and still not use food to comfort me.



There were a few things I did to fix my horrible no good very bad day....I went and bought healthy snacks for a BBQ so I knew I would have something to eat, I spent the morning with a friend, I talked and cried with my husband and leaned on him, then I built a new old country play list. I did all of this after praying and asking God, to help me out of the funk and not by eating my way out of it.

 My day did not start out the greatest but with a little prayer and a lot of letting go, I had an amazing night at Marriage enrichment. Learning new coping mechanisms has been a liberating process.

I am not where I want to be...I still crave the stuff I have stopped eating, but I had an experience yesterday which leads me to the success part of the blog.......

 So yesterday was the last day of the No Junk Food Challenge...and today is the first day of the 21 day fix so I knew if I was going to get anything baked and snack cake like....it had to be yesterday. Well...I had a birthday party to go to and of course there were cupcakes. They were amazing! They tasted awesome and I am looking at talking to the baker for Ab's party next month....BUT I will only be eating a Mini one. It was (my fat kid is cringing as I say this) TOO sweet. My sweet tooth is disappearing. Like I still want something sweet, but I am now looking at fruits and dark chocolate, so I can say I crushed that part of what I was working for.

 Now today, my 21 day fix kicks off...a workout tonight, 7500 steps, meal prepping and planning to be done....all to get stronger and one day closer to where I want to be! I can say I have ticked off another goal....be able to diet like a normal person without a crazy binge....

I still do not want a soda...I still am not missing a lot of the previous triggers. I can thank God for that one! He has replaced so many behaviors in my life and I can not wait to get the book I ordered...More of Him, less of me to use in conjunction with the current weight loss goals!

As it said in today's Food for Thought...
"Our Thoughts are restless till they find rest in God." We need to eat for sustenance  not fulfillment. We need to stop using food as a reward or a comfort. It simply keeps us moving, and as I thought about this, I thought about my mini.  We do not use food as a treat or a reward in the house because of my unhealthy eating habits. I do not want her to have a love hate relationship with food and I do not want her to go through this struggle. Just as I teach her to pray and follow Jesus, I teach her proper and healthy ways to look at food!


So that is my week...a crazy up and down and roller coaster of emotions, but I can say even at my worst...I was still living in recovery and I used all the tools God handed me to make it happen!
Till next week....Just for today I will rejoice in the success!