Dedication to everything but Me

As my crazy few weeks dies down, I can finally write this blog that has been swirling.

Over the past few weeks, there has been a lot of things going on and I am in the beginning stages of a flare from all the crazy. The house is in dire need of cleaning and I am in need of a good 3-4 hour block to catch up all my school work and my planners...but I am making plans for the weekend to go shopping and to do family stuff on Saturday. I am still making my step goals for the day...because I am dedicated to this project of me.

This is gonna be one of them ones where I get real, real raw and transparent. I NEVER seen me with kids. It was something I was 100% positive it was not in the cards. When I realized I was prego, I was terrified, but I was sure I could just wing it and be a good mom. I failed at that. In the past year as I have made changes, I learned that I had to be dedicated to my mini's up bringing for her to be the amazing kiddo she is turning out to be!

 Then I have this amazing husband I am dedicated to. I mean seriously....this man has put up with so much and even the 2 1/2 years I was broken. He never tried to fix me, but waited patiently for me to fix myself....just as I waited while he fixed himself and together we are unstoppable.

Due to the repairs...I can do just this!! You gotta go...k kiss me goodbye and keep in touch...Mama has your six! I was dedicated to being that kinda wife and Mom....College student....a 3.8 GPA, 2 years down and 2 years to go....again dedication and hard work....all while dealing with fibromyalgia....

 There was also a degree of dedication here too. I had to be dedicated as well as intentional in my movements. I have to be dedicated to a routine and to keeping others stress out of my life. I have to be dedicated to getting healthy to be there for my family....It is getting up and doing what I have to...BUT it is also knowing that every once in awhile what I need to do and is best for my family is for me to park it on the couch and relax.

Everyday is a battle and one of the side effects of fibro is that weight loss is near to impossible....I have watched others consistently drop weight and get discouraged. I am not doing it as fast as them. I have finally gotten it through to myself the amount of dedication and work I am putting in is worth it in the end.

Did we notice a word here...dedication. Something I never applied to myself till this year. This year, I was dedicated to being selfish....I was dedicated to putting me first and turning my weight-loss journey over to God...and for the first time in I am seeing results...consistent results!

Last August I started the steps again for the last time. When I finished and was living steps 10-12 daily....I had that breakdown....I was fat and miserable. I also was not seeing any weight dropping....in fact I was getting bigger...I broke down and bought bigger clothes...I could not buy bra anywhere but Lane Bryant....Right after my 35th birthday and right before Christmas...I could barely walk 5000 steps a day consistently.

BUT: My kid's vocabulary was getting bigger, she was making progress coming back from the year we isolated, my marriage was betting better...we were holding tight to our varied sobriety....my grades were staying steady....I was not smoking...I was not in much pain, but I was resting and such as needed...I was staying dedicated to everything but it was not enough. I had my breakdown....I just sat and cried....hard and in that last fit, I had my break through, I was not dedicated to me.  I was pouring everything into everyone else and leaving nothing for me....I was sacrificing everything and leaving nothing.






SO in January, I made the ultimate sacrifice and I put God first, me second, and everything else started falling into place. My quite time, working on my planner, and writing this blog are my top three self care things...Zumba, dance parties, walking for my medals and my step goals those are also important. I start to feel the tightness if I get away from self care....By doing that and taking care of me...by trusting in the plan that my HP had sat forth for me and with his help this happened....

Black and White...October 2015 Tank...July 2016. I have been able to buy 1x sports bras, shop Wal Mart for bras again and gone done a size in tanks and leggings....still working on t-shirts and jeans, but that will fall into place as I stay dedicated to me....



To wrap this up and finish today's steps....I stumbled upon this and it sums it up, I fought back from the edge and in the process...Just for Today...I will Rise! Happy Weekend people....family Pokemon Hunt tomorrow and shopping with the Girls for Girls clothes on Sunday!!!