Well Then...

This right here has been my expression most of this week. There have been so much accomplished as well as AHA's that this was about all I could accomplish...at least 3 times this week I was at a loss for words...and for me, this says a lot!

Along with my aha's, there were also some major reminders. So, as always, this comes from the work I have been doing in the coaching group and in my journaling, while they are my discoveries I want to give credit to all of the hard work of my coach, mentor, and friend. My week of Well Then...

This week I reached out and asked for help with a struggle. The struggle is one that was preventing a lot of progress as I would start and stop(ish) so often, I would focus well all over the place to prevent dealing with the one issue, I was lacking on follow through. I have a major issue with time management, I am still working on the quitting smoking but this week I had a few major breakthroughs as well as some moments of clarity and accomplishment! These moments of clarity and accomplishment have led to a build in my confidence, specifically in the last 2 days.

For the first time in a long time, I am hitting step goal consistently, I am working out again more regularish than I have in a long time, and I can say that it came from getting serious about my to-do list, finding the time and just doing the f'ing work. I also really seen this week how much I overcomplicate things! I thrive in/under pressure, I know this because my data tells me this, but what if I stopped waiting? What if I stopped making sure it was all laid out perfectly, scheduled? What if I just started??










Well, I found out this week what it looks like when I do this...accomplished! My to-do list is about done, and I did not overdo it. My body is not screaming at me and for me that is impressive. I stopped being busy and I got productive. I have a clean kitchen, living room, office/dining room, and one of two bathrooms plus I replaced a shower curtain that has needed to be replaced for six months. Was I busy? Hells yeah, but this busy felt different!

I also have yet again been reminded in this that this journey I am on, it is one of action that starts with a prayer every morning asking for the willingness and the ability to do what I need to do for this leg of the journey, which leads to motivation...motivation is action-based.
Let me say this again, motivation is action-based. When I am willing and I have the ability to get moving and dive into those projects that I have a passion for, and my health is one of them (kinda attached to this living and breathing thing), I can be motivated to follow through whatever it is I want to accomplish in that 24 hours of the current 14 day block.








After seeing what I could accomplish in just 5 short days has changed my belief in myself. I also have been working on changing up verbiage from "I, I, I," to "We, we, we" also a suggestion from a friend to change "have to" to "get to" and that is working well too. See, one of my major character defects is control ( I am my mother's daughter, but that is another blog). I had it in my head that I had to do it all for it to be done right, and if I did not do it, well then it was done wrong and I would just have to redo it anyway. That was a belief I had to change, quickly.

I starting changing that based on the experiences of growing on and how things affected me and knew that some of it was not what I wanted for my daughter, so I did something with it. I also looked at this whole experience of changing jobs and working full time, as something that was happening for me, not to me. It was a necessity for me to loosen up and ask for help. I could not keep up without help and my husband was there just waiting with the life preserver, all I had to do was ask and stop saying I would do it. Again that willingness and ability...











And in this case, the ability came in the form of change. I am changing and I am growing. This is where it really gets good though, I had not one, not two, but three emotional blows this week...and I did not spend the week wallowing in it on the couch, I moved forward with what needed to be done! I did not let it derail me, I reached out instead of withdrawing inward and I refuse to back the F down!

This girl has goals...I am a #bombshellraisinghell
and it is gonna take a bit more to keep me down!

Because I have fought too hard and I have others I am going to be there for in some of the blows I took this week, and in order to do that I have to be present for me, I need to solidify the self-care, the fitness, eat to fuel to have the clear head and the strength to be there for them. Trust me, I wanted to curl up on the couch, I wanted to the world to stop spinning so I could get off and just sit for a while, but what would that do for the situations? NOT ONE DAMN THING, so I pressed onward, a little slower, a little more gentle, and with a little grace, but I pushed forward...I did something that is/was/has always been a struggle...follow through.








So this is where I start getting intentional, like for real, not just for a few days. I have a purpose for continuing my education that is going to take follow-through, perseverance, a whole lot of no's and a whole lot of hard work. If I can't stick with a personal project and I can not stay focused on completing a workout for me, I can write a thousand blogs. I can say a thousands times this is what I want to do but I still have to take action and I still have to do the work...SO I wrap up here with this...

I have noticed for too long that things need to change in my fitness/hydration/nutrition/self-care, in my home, and in psychiatric emergency care (mental health stigmas)...time to take action, starting where I am and with what I have...which at the moment is the ability to control only myself and putting in the work on me and the house!

Which brings me back to this...

Speechless and with nothing left to do but get to the doing!

Next time y'all-
Audie