In honor of Valentines Day...

I want to talk about love. No not from someone else...from yourself. In my household, we don't do valentines day. This year is a little different as Abbie is getting older and we are doing some Valentines stuff in her playgroups. But regularly we do EVERYDAY!! Sometimes it is a little surprise from the grocery store, sometimes it is just a simple hug while I am cooking, from little to big...we celebrate our love everyday. I also know I will never get flowers, candy...all that stuff from my husband...not because he won't buy them, because I do not want them. I want something practical...I want new pans, I want a new vacuum, I want something that will last past 5 days and will not add inches to my hips!

But this is about self love....see as someone who has struggled with my weight since I was 14...lets do the math...21 years of my life. I have been through a lot with my weight, I went through the years of hatred for it, heard every fat joke, and years of even adult bullshit. But I am at a point where, I am working on the weight, but I truly do love myself and know I am a work in progress! See I have a vision for 2015. I have discussed this with an amazing friend who has become my local BFF. I know a portion of why the weight loss is not sticking is I live in my head from time to time. I also know that there is a fear...remember I have spent more of my life as the fat kid then the skinny bitch. So before I completely digress, as usual, lets get into my vision,

1) No more negativity-towards myself, people in my life, no more judgmental behaviors. Just none.
2) If I can't find something nice to say...not saying a word. I will excuse myself from said conversation.
3) I am looking to empower my friends, family, and myself. I want people to feel better after talking to me  instead of worse.
4) More time spent on hair and makeup and looking like a girl instead of a worn out Mom. and more pictures of me and if I can get Abbie to hold still long enough, her and Me.
5) No more living in the past...what is done is done, it is what it is, and no amount of thinking, living in it or even wallowing in it will bring it back or change it.

So by following these 5 principles I am hoping to finally get out of my own head. I know that I will be a happier person and will be a better friend to be around. If I am happier, it is easier on my body. Fibromyalgia thrives on pain...specifically stress and emotional pain. I know it will not happen over night, hell I know I will slip up. I also know that while I may be making changes, I refuse to give up all my sarcasm and dry humor...it is part of my soul, part of my genetic make up...Thanks Dad! It is also part of my writing style...what would Mad Dieter be if I got rid of that???

At the end of the day...we all have to work with the cards handed to us. For some of us, it is easy to hop on a fitness plan and run with it, for others, it is not. But we all have to love who we are, and embrace our limitations, our successes, and our failures. Not every venture is going to work out, but there is something positive in every one! I used to look at my weight loss as one failure after another....then I realized that it was a mental block, my head telling me...Bitch we can not do this....so this year I am refocusing how I am handling the weight loss and working on my head while it is still a little chilly, walking when I can, and slowly putting my workout corner together in my room. I am giving up my planet fitness membership but taking advantage of the free gyms when I can. Even if it is only a few days a week at the little community center gym...it is something. I am refocusing my energies into positive and school, and enriching my home life. Because in all honesty, I do love me and my life!!! My crazy, hectic, always plan in pencil, and adapt and overcome quickly life!!!
Until next time y'all...

Happy Dieting!!