Wisdom is defined as knowledge gained by life experiences. Mourning is simply defined as great sadness because someone has passed and closure is a feeling that a bad experience has ended and that you can start to live again in a
calm and normal way. Three words so different in definition, yet so completely linked....a sudden or even an expected passing, we mourn. We mourn in our own way, for our own length of time and out of that mourning we start to gain wisdom, and then one day we find we have found closure. Now, closure does not mean that the pain is gone...it does not mean that we miss them any less...it simply means we have found a NEW normal. We have found a way to carry on, like our friends and family would have wanted us to.
In the past seven years I have had two losses that rocked me to core. The first was my mother. While our relationship was not always the best, we were the best of friends and to have just one more coffee break with her to catch up would be AMAZING!! But, as the poem says, I am who I am because she was who she was. There is not a day I do not miss her...specifically this time of year with mother's day coming up, but I have a new normal with how I live those precious days and how I honor her.
Then just a little over a year ago I lost a good friend that while I had not seen in years, we said our goodbyes in our way. He knew where my heart was at the end of it all! Well, last night I got my closure. Again, not over it, just a new normal. I think of him and smile. He was the voice of reason when I spun out in my 20's. He was the one that put a mic in my hand and says you got a gift...use it! He was the one that carried me through that fateful song and last night I picked up a mic and I rocked it out...one last time for him. He carried me through it one more time! I never have to butcher Cher at karaoke again and will stick with my country classics I know!
So, this leads to wisdom....This morning my reading was discussing how wisdom is not something we acquire over night. We do not have all the answers and God has all the answers if we just pause to listen to him. How often do we ask for help, for advice and then do the exact opposite of what we hear? We need to stop that!
In the past year, as I have grown closer to God, and the more I rely on him, the more wisdom and insight I am gaining. Lets take last night for example. I went to a bar, I sang, and I had a blast....all while sober and did not even pick up a cigarette. I did not this on my own accord, I spoke with Him and said hey...I need a helping hand to get through this. How does this tie into wisdom? Simple, I was wise enough to know I needed help so I asked. Being wise, having wisdom does not mean we know it all, does not mean we will not need a helping hand, or that we have nothing left to learn. It means we know when to ask for help, to pursue new things, and to always dig deeper into life lessons. 
So what is next in my pursuit of knowledge?? I am going to learn how to meal prep. Husband is going to be gone for a few weeks so I am gonna branch out. One of the reasons I did the current no junk food challenge, was to see if I was that far into my recovery that I could lean on the Lord, or my HP, and get through without crazy binging...with 8 days left I am pretty sure I got this! Well, WE got this. God brought me to it and through it and I did not kill anyone even when I was in a state of Hangry.
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