Grace, Grit, and Coffee makes it all possible!

 What a week I have had! I have learned a lot about myself this week. Reading well um listening to an amazing book... The four tendencies and learning a bit more about me and learning how to make things work better in my life at almost 39 is kinda eye-opening. The one thing this week has truly taught me is, I know I can do better, so I have to do better. Sounds super simple right? Yeah, about that let me tell you, learning who you are and how to thrive in it is a full-time job by itself. But it is one that is worth it.

 This week has had some great highs, confidence boosts that you are understanding what you are learning in a new job, but there were some uncomfortable moments. This week I truly learned that just because you plan it, you put it on pretty paper, and use stickers it is not magic gonna wake up on Day 1 and run with it. Hell, here I am at the end of week 1 of the 14-day blocks and some things are still not clicking. Things got really uncomfortable this week because my head was really really looking for an excuse to say ahh well, we messed up this week anyway, let's have a Pepsi and reconfigure and start the 14 days over on the 8th..... then I had a small come to Jesus with my head and in this I found some magic and happy to report even though week 1 was not 100% nailed...I did get over the hurdle and am halfway through my first 14-day block.
This is exactly what I did on Wednesday night, yes we got take out and here we are three days in and I caved...but did I really? This was the night things got real with me and I had a few things click. This thing I am doing, I did not plan lightly...Much like how God laid out the plans for my life. He did not plan it lightly, so I am not gonna scrap it because I missed a few stickers in my habit tracking. I also have not only hope but faith this is going to work this time.









I am committed to what I am doing, I am committed to My Just For Today Project. But just like life and my recovery journey has made some changes, so does this project. I am working on some tweaks and in this, the project needs to grow like I am. As I evolve in my life so does everything else. What I can say as I have gotten through five almost six days doing it this way and I have had only a few white knuckle I can not do this moments. Not because of wanting to binge, but because I started to get stressed(??), anxious (??), possibly even overwhelmed about having to do all this stuff for 14 days....wait wait wait!!!

I did not have to do these things 14 times in one 24 hour period, I have 14 days to do these things 14 times...essentially just for today. Just for today, I work out once, I track what I eat once, I drink one shake, I journal one day...and boom!!! I had a grasp by day 3 of something that I had missed every time I started to attempt these 14-day blocks. I also was reminded as much as I am an #amazonprimekindamom. I can not order up this on Amazon and it comes in just two days. Even though this clicked on day 3 (kinda prime-ish), I still had some misses on the next few days, but I have not thrown the towel! I am not giving up.




If I give up now, I give up on more than just this 14-day thing, I give up on the be here a year challenge that I am over half way through! I give up on becoming the woman I am working on becoming. I tell my husband, my daughter, my mother that they are not worth fighting for. That they are not worth the effort. And I will be damned before those words ever cross my lips and my actions do not support this thought process now that it is full swing.

Another thing that came up this week in conversations in my coaching group is this question...what am I doing? In the past I have said mental health first, the rest is kinda happening...but in truth, I am doing whatever it takes! I am making small changes daily (2 weeks soda free) that are coming together. It is a process that has affected not only my mental health, my physical health, but my professional life. I am willing to do whatever it takes to hold tight to my recovery and to fight for my husband, my daughter, and my mother.

And this right here was another reminder this week, I am working on that be here a year challenge, that does not mean being here in this exact mindset doing the same things over and over expecting different results, that is fear of failure and insanity taking over. I want to be here a year from now as a next level version of me. I want to have learned how to apply and use all of the tools that I have, I want to be working on reaching the next goal because I have crushed the previous ones. So be here a year and being in the exact same spot in a year are two very different sentences and concepts!

If I have learned anything in these past few years of my recovery it is this:
1) It is a choice I make daily to remain in it.
2) When it comes first, the rest falls into place
3) I am not doing it alone-God has this in full control and in this, I just have to remember and say the serenity prayer one to seven hundred and twenty-five times a day! I am only in control of the things in me...thus I am asking for the courage to change me and accept everything else! As I move through this part...well Awkward is going to be an understatement as well as I move through this, my awkward will become more quirky and dextrous (flexible and easy but not that kind of easy!)

The wins this week, I realized that a 12,500 step goal (6.25 miles a day) was unrealistic as I have a job that has me in a chair, a wheelie chair, but a chair either way for 8 hours a day. I also have slacked on the steps...so I lowered it to 7500 and the last 2 days I have hit it! I also have journaled and stuck with no soda for 2 weeks. I also only caved one day to take out every other day I either came home and cooked or there were leftovers. Not every goal is gonna be hit perfectly, and for a reforming all or nothing kinda kid, this is progress.

As I wrap for this week, I have said this a few times this week, but it is my current season. Ebb and Flow. I am learning to surf these waves that life throws at me. Sometimes I nail it and sometimes I eat sand, but no matter what, I get back up. In this one motion, I am proving something to myself, I am not settling, I am stopping the behaviors that brought me to the beginning a little more each day, and I am NOT failing this time.


No matter what happens in this 24 hours there is nothing that a little grace, grit, and coffee cannot get me through, till next time!
Audie