The Road so far, (Are we there yet??)-

1. 

I am at the end of the first 14-day block!! I did it I focused on a few goals for 14 days and I can say, 100% honestly I am not there yet! I did have a scale victory in these 14 days...6.2 pounds lost!!! I had 8 goals to complete and three bonus goals...here is where we landed there...I did not complete any of them...I worked on them but did not complete a one, even halfway through the second block, I am still struggling to make it all come together, but in these 3 weeks, since I have started this, there has been some AHA's and some self-discoveries that make this painful part of the journey worth it! So, here goes,

The first thing that I have discovered is that this is no longer about the before and the after picture. Those are progress pictures, the only true before and after is before OA and Coach Tulin's coaching and after I found both of them and the tools. Before I was angry, bitter, lonely in a room full of people and I felt worthless, lost and entitled (I mean the world/universe owed me something for dealing with everything that had happened to me!) Yeah about that...I had things happen to me, not for me and I was not owed a damn thing if I wanted something it was up to me to move my ass and get it! So, now since this is a journey...all pics will be known as the road so far pics as I am no longer angry, bitter, I am enough and I have not only been found but I have a huge online/offline support team that is rooting me on, since I know better and can do better!

So this past 3 weeks, I have learned a lot about grace. There is a fine line between giving myself grace and allowing myself to use excuses. I am busy... full-time mom/wife, college student, employee, who is on a journey to fit and finding out who I am. Giving myself the grace to take a needed rest day, cool. Allowing myself to let the above stop or pause my journey while making the choice to eat poorly or not drink, the water is a whole other not gonna happen. But it happened and that is how I know that I f'ed it up for the moment, but once discovered I could reel it back!

I know that I can because I have faith and grit, I also have the strength and I am discovering, I have a deeper commitment to this than I realized! See the things I am doing are programs of action. This means I spend an hour or so consume the material and then I have to apply it, digest it, and take that action with it! It is like the planning, very pretty on paper and making it work with stickers and colored pens (#WANDSUP) but if I don't actually do the thing...well I have wasted a sticker, which is worse than wasted makeup!  Plans are great, commitment is better!

I have the motivation or the impulse, boost, encouragement, incentive or the momentum (call it what you want) to ride out this journey I am on! It has always been there when I look in the mirror, it is not a secret that it would do a body good to lose a pound or a hundred... what I need to work on is the commitment to it. What I need to work on is that I can make progress (be consistent), give myself grace, move past this mental block of the fear of success that pops up still every so often, getting lost in the busy, setting and keeping boundaries, show up every day as a mom, a wife, an employee, and student...if I do one thing every day...well two.

Yall ready for the secret two things I gotta do every day?

1. Spend time with prayer and meditation, journaling with a dash of coffee and 
2. Take Action!  

That is it, that is all I have to do daily to stay in the fight and stay committed to this journey I am on. There was an aha in my journaling this week that is worth mentioning this week: I am still dealing with worry and fears and things I had put down, or so I thought. I must have snuck back sometime when I was not looking and picked them back up. Which is the human in me, but it also slows things down. It is also part of the journey... I am going to make mistakes, I am gonna do things like this from time to time...like I told a manager at work this week, sorry I screwed up, just know I will do it again. Like Popeye said, I am what I am and what I am is human.

A moment of self-doubt, a mistake does not change all the previous work I have done. It does not take away all the progress I have made...see I am fierce and focused on making it work this time, I am over half way through my "be here a year " call Coach Tulin put out to all of us. I am making progress on drinking more water, working out more, my self-care is solid, and even my eating is getting better. This is working this time because I am being flexible. 

 Nutrition is the hardest part for me. Dealing with food addiction, eating disorders, chronic illnesses, being busy...who the hell wants to work for 8-9 hours and come and cook? But there is an army of gadgets in my kitchen to make this work, meal prep is my friend, even my husband can help with the dinner thing, even if just putting something in the oven if I have it prepped. I can do this, just like I can quit smoking...I can and I will. Oh yeah!! See thing #1 that I have to do every day, give it up in prayer...then see thing #2, take the actions necessary!







News flash...I am no longer simply on a weight loss journey... one major thing this coaching has taught me specifically in the capsule things we are doing now, this is about so much more than chasing a number on a scale, and patiently standing by waiting to hit said number (thank you Tulin and Team Emre!) this is a spiritual journey figuring out who the "F" I am and what I truly want. I refuse (and yes I have said it before) to sit still and look pretty. I am taking big risks, I am not sitting on my hands hoping things get better, I am going to work to make them better, even if that means opening up a conversation that makes me feel uncomfortable (guess I stepped out of the comfort zone for a bit, leave a message I will get back to you when I return).




See, I am stronger and braver than I have ever been before...because I am putting this coaching and OA teachings into action...I am layering in things and I am truly finding a new normal living with chronic conditions and a recovering addict.










As I wrap this up (bonus one tomorrow), I am reminded once again this is the year of the diamond, so signing off with this thought below...

I am becoming unbreakable, I am fighting to find the next level version of me, and this journey is going to be messy, back and forth and up and down.., and I will screw up, but that is okay because out of those mistakes will become lessons and opportunities to try again!

So, I am over and out wondering...What can I screw up today?
-Audie