I have seriously tried to write this thing 7 times since Tuesday...and it is not writers block. It is something much different...it is there is so much on my mind and in my head. So I decided that the best way to do this was just write it all down.
This week has been heavy because of what this weekend is...the anniversary of both my biological parents deaths...14th is Mom 15th is Dad. It also is the point where I normally throw my hands in the air and say fuck it all-I don't wanna play this game anymore. I put my toys away and go home for the winter. And every year for the last 5 or 6 8 say nope not this time I am going to do it differently. I say I am gonna change and then nothing changes. I plan all the plans and do all the things to make it different but then well Hi...I'm the problem it's me!
I keep planning to change and never put any action into the plan. It is like creating the perfect play book for a football season and then not running a single one of the plays. So, after a one on one on Thursday before the weekend happened and some time in my head as well as it being football season I decided to blow off the play book. But not in the way I thought I was going to. Some things that have been said over and over and over in the coaching clicked for me.
1st and foremost...FUCK THE PLAN! Flipping everything off my plate one more again. This time when I put the things back on the plate...they are truly only what serves me and what I really want to do.
2nd...My fall off does not exist. It does not. In reality it is me taking a break from all the have to's and if I could just...it is where I get out of the busy but still try and look busy all at the same time...I mean seriously how many times can I vacuum the grass??!!??
3rd...I am spending this season only doing things with intention. What the hell does that mean? Let me 'splain this...I am intentionally blogging, I am intentionally doing yoga/pilates/dancing this season as it brings joy, helps with stiffness, and makes me feel good, I am intentionally eating the foods I want, when I want (no matter if it is a brownie...I am intentionally eating it because apparently that is what I want in that moment and it is okay), I am intentionally getting up and filling my cup so I can pour into others. You get the point here...every move I make this season is carefully executed and done in a way that is setting me up to already be the person I want to be March 1st versus starting over...but wait there's more to this!
See in this one on one coaching...there are two things becoming more and more apparent...all beliefs are lies but I can believe in what serves me and make it happen! What it comes down to...I get to choose what I believe in...so I choose to believe that the fall off, the stopping point, the whatever it is that happens to me in the fall is not happening thus year. I have not been restricting myself from anything for the last 6 and a half months...still losing weight, still shifting body composition, still enjoying a candy bar or a soda...so I have nothing to take a break from.
Which brings me to my next thing...I love football...like love it! Go Indy! I also love data and stats-and yes I know we are in week 6 of the football season...however I being the numbers girl I am...am doing weight, tape, and pics of me in a certain shirt for the rest of football season on game day! It is for nothing more than educational purposes. I want to see how this tweak affects me as I find me!
Thanks so much for listening to me ramble...
Till next time-
Audie
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