Finding myself

 I get lost in words. Words I am reading, writing, pumping into my ears as the music warms my soul. Words are powerful. They can make or break you...the stories and words you use with yourself specially. 

I realized this two days ago as I went to do my hashtags on a instagram post. Plus size specifically tripped me up. Plus size describes me yes...but what does plus size have to do with my blogging? Plus size is not what I want my fitness journey to hang on. Writers come in all shapes and sizes, the focus should be on anything besides me being plus size. 

So I dropped the plus size from my hashtags. My personality and my talent is not located in my fat cells. I had this realization before, but it hit differently in this season. As my voice grows stronger...words are taking on a whole different meaning. I am finding me and I do not be plus size forever.

 Yes, weight loss is not my focus this season, but the more I dig into who I be, the more I am craving movement. Doesn't everyone have a dance party with coffee at 6 am? Ohh, just me? Awesome! 

Now, with dropping these words am I worried about losing my audience...nope. The right ones will find me when they need to. It is not like I hide this, just sayin'. The readers will find me. 

I am starting to also notice that the readers are not hitting like they used to. The words are losing their power. It does not mean that they don't work, it just means I am feeling what I need to when I need to without needing a reminder. However they are there when I need them and will use them as needed. 

At it's core my recovery was my first selfish act. It is the first thing I did something for me that was about me. It was the starting point of all of this. Yes the blog is older then my recovery. It started this path of asking my self questions and digging to find the better version of me. 

I am also no longer clinging to recovery as a life raft in an ocean of self hatred. I like me and falling in love with rediscovering my favorite parts of me. I am also slowly becoming less introverted, I crave human interaction. 

Now, I still value my alone time and my down time, but I am seeing a different balance in it. I also am starting to see where my daughter gets it from. She is truly my mini! 

Wrapping up this one with this...finding myself as I navigate my 40's is priceless. It is a reminder that I am not dead yet. I have dreams and goals I can achieve even if tweaked from what I thought they would be! You are truly never too old to just start.

Till next time-

Audie