Friends and readers....two weeksish ago my world was thrown upside down when I found out my husband had to go away for a mission neither of us ever expected and per opsec...that is all I am gonna say about that. In the past two weeks I have been thinking and replaying a lot of events in my head and I finally came to a realization...Food is not my friend, never has been, and I have an actual dependency on it. I go through spurts where I can diet and exercise and rock it with the best of them....BUT one little upset and I literally say FUCK IT!! I throw it all away, I am a binge eater. I diluted myself with I was a "former" binge eater because the binges were not as frequent as they used to be. I used the well if I have a craving I need to go ahead and give in, or I will binge on it. Yeah, even giving in I was binging. I really realized I had an issue when I realized not only was I buying and hiding food, I was waiting patiently on my husband to go to bed so I can raid the kitchen, and when I found out about the a fore mentioned mission, I started planning a grocery list full of binge foods to make me happy in his absence. I have said it time and time again, we are not dogs, we do not reward with food. I also thought I kicked this habit...SURPRISE it reared it's ugly head. SO I made a decision that did not come lightly and took forever staring at the join now button on a Facebook group..but I did it and I am committed to it. I ordered the book and April 8th I begin working step 1...I joined OA. Apparently even with a lot of the healing I have done, I am not strong enough to do this on my own. So next week is going to be a long week for me, hubby leaves, I smoke my last cigarette April 9th...my oils will be here sometime that day so I am starting April 10th with the oils in hand, and I asking all my readers for to help me stay accountable.
Last week I had a eye opening experience not only did I tip the scales heavier then I was at the end of my pregnancy, I had to buy pull on jeans. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! So this time I am not dieting, I am creating a meal plan, getting rid of trigger foods, drinking more water, and above all else staying committed to the healing and the recovery for my dependency on food. One thing I have learned already is commit to the healing and the weight will follow...try to lose the weight and you will never fully recover. I did some pictures of the beginning of this journey and I will post one month side by sides at the end of April...Thanks for listening!!
I also will be starting the 30 day affirmation and no fail happiness challenge on the 8th! I have my notebooks for journals and my oils. I also for the first time in a long time have HOPE. Stay tuned...big changes coming and I am hoping that by starting with these steps and being honest with myself and all of you...I have the largest accountability group possible!!!
The below is something I have been putting off for awhile...time to get it done!!
So need to go get my contributions to a joint Easter dinner done so until next time...
Happy Dieting!
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