Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there!!!
Okay, so I know it has been a bit since I wrote here, but I have not been not writing, was just doing a daily post somewhere else and then I was hit with a brick...why not do that daily post in the blog??!!!?? So now I will be starting my mornings in meditation and then here!!! Hope you enjoy these as much as I do. These posts are my journey through OA and all the different places that the reading and the meditation takes me!!! If you would like to get the books, I use Voices of Recovery, Just For Today, Courage to Change, Recovery Meditations, and Food For Thought.
79 days food sober and 50 days since I smoked a real cigarette! 41 days to new outfit and SHOES!! LOL When I did this morning reading and thinking I started to realize, that while yes I still love my Facebook time and posting and friends that live in the computer....I am slowly but surely becoming me again. Normally around this time, I start clamming up and a slow retreat into the world of hermitude because my Mom's birthday is right around the corner...not this year! It doesn't mean the pain is any less, it means I have new ways of coping and dealing. While yes a whole box of fudge rounds are a used to, they are not gonna change the fact that she is smiling down from Heaven, so why put myself through that??? I realize that I truly love me...I truly love the quirks, the flaws, and the imperfections. I am still striving for better...I am still wanting to lose the weight...but I also know I do not have to sit in the house grounded for life till I get there!! I also have a group of awesome friends...one in particular who will come drag me out even when I say but I don't wanna!!!
Now with that said, I am becoming more social and learning how to plan and be in social food situations...yesterday I stared down a box of a trigger food...individually packed so it was safe right...um no, I ate what I packed and said thanks but they are on the no fly list when offered. The person then apologized and I said no need to, that is why I pack my own...it is my responsibility to make sure I have approved food, no one else...Holy shit two days in a row, I said things out loud that are showing growth!!!! I am so glad I was sitting down. This is getting scary...when did I learn to adult? It also shows that I am learning my worth, and that I because I can show people my worth, they will not treat me less than my worth and if they try well...time to say BYE FELCIA! you and your opinions, presence, and all that other stuff is no longer needed. I refuse to allow anyone to take me back into the hole I worked to claw out of.
I also have learned something else this week!!! I use to see the word discipline and immediately reverted to growing up in a military house. Umm, discipline is a tool of OA. It is a tool of life. See I am now disciplined to say no thank you to food on the no fly list, I am disciplined to say no thank you to many things. Just because I can have an occasional Frap from Starbucks...does not mean that I have to say yes every time my husband says lets get. I also have learned that I am now conditioned and disciplined to spend every morning in meditation and reading. I do this because well...it helps me stick to plan, stick to goals, and makes me a better person. Without my morning coffee and Mommy minute...I am a very tall two year old! It sets the mood for the day.
I also have realized that not only does it set the mood, it opens my eyes and spirit to all the wonderful gifts that God (or insert your HP here) is bestowing and turning on all the neon signs of him working in my life. In the last two months I have had a major spiritual awakening. I am not saying that I am ready to run back into church...but I enjoy the PWOC weekly sessions and all the amazing women I have met there! I am looking forward to the next year as the audio visual person!So wrapping this up to go work on my Math and other to do's since my coffee is kicking in and I have a few new oils that are now staples....but that is a whole other blog!!!
So.....
Just for today...one day at a time!
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