It's Preseason Y'all (and what the F' does that have to do with my journey??!!??)

Football is back y'all!!! It is the time of year that I love...hoodie season is right around the corner, my red will become burgundy, the time of year my Mom loved the most...soon apple and cinnamon everything in my house (yes, I am one of a few that is not about pumpkin spice...catch me when peppermint mocha comes up!) But see this is my preseason too, this is normally the time of year, I fall off, I detour, I isolate completely and every pound I took off,




I put back on (this year it is not much, but that means I would put that plus more on). This is the time of year I go radio silent.
In the words of my spirit animal...NOPE!






As I hit preseason there was something in me that was all this is what we have been practicing for! This is why we raised to the Be here a year call to action...why in the F' would we stop now?? Now, this the time to dig in deeper and really get into the thick of it! Get dirty, live the steps 1,2,3 daily...get into 10,11,12 and GROW!!! In doing this I took some steps still stemming from last weeks call and blog.

The first I have done is I have continued working on clutter busting and fixing my house to make it a home. It is crazy how much this little (or umm big project) has affected my commitment to this new lifestyle. When I started the little projects, one at a time and seeing progress, it was like a wildfire was lit! It is also spreading to hubby and mini!

We are working together as a family to make this what we want it to be. I have a solid week and a half of leaving the house with an empty sink! I also have a better understanding of what it is I want out of life and what I want my introvert recharge place to look like. I have been feeling more and more at home and sleeping easier. I also got hit with a truth bomb this week.

 Clutter was my way of isolating, even when I did not realize that was what I was doing. I did not want anyone over, and this highly affects my extrovert rebel child (yes a questioner and an obliger who are both introverted are raising this spitfire praying desperately we do not squash her spirit, but that is a whole other blog to come!!). This was a way to keep things under my control because no one could help cause no one knew where anything went. I got to keep a busy badge because I had to do it...it was a way to say I didn't have time to work out, eat right, do anything outside of work, school, and house...and then I mean I am working 2 jobs so I am just really f'ing busy...but am I? So I have been tackling one cluttered area a day getting rid of, repurposing, whatever I needed to do to clear it and make this space work for us as we will probably be here another year or two...and I am not living in chaos for another day let alone two years...Dean will you say it again!!

Which brings me to the next realization from this week...Y'all I had to put myself on a no spend for at least a month if not longer! I am spending too much money on things I do not really need and it is just adding the clutter. I mean I was Veruca Salt in the flesh and my husband has never told me no...I mean it was getting to the point that I had online shopping carts loaded and ready for money to hit the account and boom...checkout now! But what I am finding is that part of this was trying to make up for what I did not have as a child or even for most of my adult years. But I have way overindulged, not just for me, but mini too...

Mini needs me and her dad here and interacting with her and what we have. In two weeks, I am going in to tackle her room and clear out clothes and toys...if I do not post on social media after the 25th send help! But seriously, we realized what a growing problem it was and it was time to nip it in the bud. The best part is my hubby is behind all of this no spend and we are interested in seeing how much we can save and how much we have to invest in better purchases, not just random because it was on sale...which is a habit I am working on breaking in the 30 days of  no spend...probably will expand to a 60 or even 90. Using what I have for planning, living, and repurposing forgotten purchases from buying so much so fast! This will also allow for Christmas to be more special! 

Which adds to another level of self-care, which leads to a period of stopping just random buying because the money is there. But is it ever really? It will allow for another level of gratitude to be added to my life as well as I will appreciate what I have more. How much money can we save and how much weight can I lose by focusing on eating at home? Why spend 300+ on groceries to not eat it? Why spend all the money on gadgets to not use them? I am adding this into my self-care routines to allow for that attitude to grow, much like it has helped change my perspective. I used to have such an attitude about my limited free time having to be dedicated to cleaning the house, but as I get rid of stuff, there is less to clean and there is less time it will take to deal with it.  I will finally get off this rat wheel! I will finally have it handled to where I can ask for the mini and hubby to help and everyone will know what goes where and I can relinquish control. I also will stop living in the I am the one who does it anyway so who cares if I leave my stuff everywhere? 

By adding this level of self-care I will also be able to show up better for friends, family, and work. It will help me get to my next level self. I will be able to dedicate some of this time to workouts, meal prepping and in turn spend less time wondering when will I have time to just veg out, when will I have time to open my planners instead of just my journal and my blog planning books. This right here has helped simplify the morning routine, getting back into my writing has already gotten me into a better student mode, I am not just writing papers for a grade, but back to writing for me. A hobby I have enjoyed since I was my daughter's age.  A hobby I have had for thirty-two years y'all! 

As I wrap this up for this week I leave you with two things, my faith has gotten stronger specifically as I am in the stages of growth, living in steps 10, 11, and 12...growing stronger in not binging (almost that 4 year mark!!??!! since my last), moving into 14 days of one day a time blocks, and now I am adding in intermittent fasting...starting at night so that after dinner it is teas or water...not feeling as I am restricting due to overeating, which is huge for someone with an eating disorder background! I have been able to move into these things because of the word above...tenacity! I am tenacious when it comes to my recovery, not it is time to become tenacious in a few other areas of my life! 

The second is this...these are demons I have cast out and I refuse...I mean refuse to have them come back...so I am putting the protection symbol on this! I am a HUGE supernatural fan and with some of the saved money, I will be getting this as a tatoo...it is a huge part of my success...I am refusing to allow for the demons previously cast out have a home to come back to...there has been a change of address with no forwarding one left for the issues and past dead roots I have cut out! This is where I let it go and put it down. I will not be coming back for the fall-off point! To be honest, when I hit the true fall-off season, I will have 288 days of showing up for me in some way, I am not looking to reset the clock there! So the plan is, Jan 1st (by not spending I can save for something I truly want!!) this goes on my shoulder so when I am rocking tanks or the sports bra for workouts, it can be seen!!!

Well, Y'all till next time!

-Audie