The past is just....

 the past!!! It is never supposed to be a place where we unpack and live our lives. I have been guilty of that and still catch myself doing that time to time. It is an old habit that dies very hard. I also am learning that dwelling there is not helpful either!!! So I have started shaking off the past and doing things that are way outside my comfort zone. If you had told me four years ago that not only would I be a mom, that I would be involved with church activities...I would have laughed you out of the way. But I have gotten to that point. I also am no longer discussing things that happened to me if it is not conductive to what I am doing!! I am learning from those past mistakes...not making them again and above all else.

Yesterday was a weird day and had a hard time writing this...I was in a weird head space...I think June was just taking it's time clearing out. SO

TO July 2...I did the reading, the prayer and the meditating and self aware came up twice...so I got to thinking about it. And I really wanted to talk about that...the dictionary defines self awareness as

Definition of SELF-AWARENESS

:  an awareness of one's own personality or individuality 

 

So I then started thinking about my personality and all it's traits...I am quirky, I am determined, I am goal driven...in certain areas. I do have some character defects...I am rash, I am passive aggressive at times, and I have some traits that could go either way biggest example being my sarcasm. But with all this said, I am aware of who I am and what I am striving to make better about me...that passive aggressive stuff man...it is buried deep!! The point of all this being, I am always striving to be a better person...this is a walk that I am never gonna be done with, much like the fact I will always be in recovery.

I may do six cycles of the steps before I am ready to live in just steps 10,11, and 12...I may be in recovery for a full year before I say okay, yes I am ready to sponsor. I will know when it is time for all of this, because I have a new motto...when things bother me and wanna take me all the way back to the beginning...I have to turn it over and step it out! So I have been stomping a few things out here lately and still working on some of it.





Now, something I am working hard on...I need to really really get better at talking to someone about things, rather then letting it fester. I try and find the good in every relationship I have formed and really appreciate something about everyone...but sometimes it is the most difficult thing.








I also am working on being committed but saying no to things that do not grow me...not just benefit me. I am building a planner and scheduling self care times for me, I am scheduling my mommy time, and scheduling things to do with Abbie and Hubby so I am not neglecting them. I am going to learn balance and I am gonna stop feeling guilty for saying no.

If there is a scheduling conflict...I will work with it as it comes. If there is an unexpected curve ball..I will deal with that too. But I am no longer gonna feel bad for saying no or for saying that I already have plans. School has to be a priority too...so hoping to one day say..I have a handle on it all.

So wrapping up....appreciate everyone, but say no when you need to...be self aware, but also strive to be a little better tomorrow than you were yesterday, be commited-don't put off today to-do list...work on top three have to's and plan a little fun!!!

Just for today-A failure to plan is a plan to fail, but leave some wiggle room!!! And PLAY NICE!!