Not feeling it this week...

Or so I thought. It has been said that I never get discouraged. That I never feel down about things.This week I did though, for a few minutes. We had two birthday parties to go to, of course I can't avoid the camera everywhere and I saw those pictures. Of course they were taking on a day I was bloated, a day that I did not do my make up fully...I had a melt down. I had a moment of I look hideous, and I had a moment of why try...I will never be...

Then I paused...I had a moment of wait, pray, and then oh yeah....I do not look as bad at this set of birthday parties as I have looked at ones in the past, I have made great strides and I have been overweight and blob like in looks since I was in my 20's...I have only been serious about this overhaul for 2 and a half months. Of course my pics are not gonna be pretty every time...I am not posed, I am not sucked in, and sitting pretty. I am human and I just have to keep doing what I am doing to see those pretty pictures when I don't crop and angle and take my own.

I also want to take a moment and thank my amazing husband. I know I have in the past, but he did something for me, that no man before him ever did. He loved me, till I loved me. He stood by me in the darkness, he listened as I dealt with my demons, and he never once tried to "fix" me. He let me fix me and learn how to love me. From the beginning he had a special feel to him. Wherever I am with him, is home. His arms is my safe-place, something I have always dreamed of having. I m not saying I need him to be able to see my self worth, I am saying I need him to be in my corner, I want to need to be with my husband, I want to be in this partnership. That is the difference between

settling and being in the right relationship.

As I am wrapping up the short blog this week, I am sharing with you a pic I snapped as I was walking away from the park with Abbie,It is my shadow. The one thing that follows me everywhere, and no for once not talking about the mini. My shadow has slimmed down and the water cup in my hand is an almost permanent fixture. This is what helped me refocus and remember what others think of me, is none of my business...if people want to assume something from a quick snapshot, it is not gonna derail my effort. The only thing that will derail my effort is giving up and giving in to always being that me in the picture and I am not cool with that idea. So here is to a better week!