When it all comes together in one powerful AHA moment!

That number is how many days ago I brought back my #Justfortodayproject. 21 days ago I put me and my self-care first. My just for today project was born out of my need to remember that my recovery was first and foremost and any pressures that were going to derail that needed to be mitigated quickly and as permanently as possible! This included, of course, self-sabotage and being apathetic to what I was trying to do in my life.





This project was not just about me either. I discovered when I put me first for just a moment in the morning before the crazy kicked in, it made me a better person. Well, when the project relaunched, I was finding gold nuggets and had moments that caused me to go hmmm... and suddenly as I get further into it, I am finding gold BARS and having holy wow moments! Things that I have known since this blog kicked off in 2012, things that I have learned since working with Coach Tulin since 2016...are starting to CLICK!!!! Like really make sense and I have such clarity in things....it is UNREAL what happens when you clear your mind of everything but the words on the page in front of you and the music pumping in your ears!
This leads to this morning and what finally clicks in a very powerful way.


I can not only handle this on my own, but I also can not treat it as just a lesson to simply learn and move on from. I have to have a support system as well as I have to learn to actively listen and apply what it is that is coming my way. This was a vicious cycle I was putting myself in. I was also focused on all the wrong things. I was focused on a number and what I could not have and how I had to do this!  But why was I doing it? Was it shame? Was it guilt? Was it self hate? I had lost sight of a why that I did not even realize existed. I always said my why was my husband and my daughter deserved a Mom and wife that was fit and healthy. I always thought that would be enough to push me...when in fact it was the opposite. I was focused on the guilt that I could not keep up with a clean house, a work schedule, and be present for my daughter so I had to make a change...but it was coming from the wrong place.


It was coming from a place of pain and pressure. I did not like me so I must change me...but until I truly started to accept me, to love me, to like me I could not change. I could not move forward on this journey which is a lot more than weight loss. Let me tell you as a person who has lost and gained the same 50 pounds every year since I was roughly 25...weight loss is not all it is cracked up to be if you do not focus on the weight between your ears and figure out who you are and like you for that! 

Now, just because I have started accepting myself and liking who I am, does not mean I can not change and I can not grow. That growth and change must first come from a place where you are content and with lack of a better way to describe it...a comfort zone. I had to be comfortable with who I am before I knew the limits of my comfort zone and figure out where to go for next level self.

Now that I am learning self-acceptance and that also means accepting my limits and knowing that there will be days that 11,000 steps in a day are just not gonna happen (that has been 3 out of 21) and I will not always be able to just pick up the missed steps the next day (1 out of 21). I am going to need true rest days to get to my next level self. It does not mean I gave up on me, but yet I listened to what my body was trying to tell me. By giving my body the chance to rest, I am giving myself the opportunity to come back stronger the next day (as in working an 8-hour shift and then bowling for 3 hours.).

 Wrapping this up with this thought, I have always known deep down, what I was doing was not working, but I was comfortable with allowing circumstances, situations, and illnesses to keep me from growing and from moving forward into an unknown world of fit and healthy in mind and body. Now, I am focused on getting out of that comfort zone and being who I have always wanted to be not only as a Mom and Wife but as a person. I know who I want to be, I have a road map to get there I just have to put one foot in front of the other and move in a forward direction.







Till Next Time Y'all