and I don't hate it...but so not adjusted to it!! It has been so long since I have been up and out of the house everyday....I am glad that I did volunteer and help out with Vacation Bible school...but also glad to get back to our regularly scheduled programming!!
Things have been crazy busy and with that comes my downfall...I can not plan when life gets hectic...weird I know. For some they plan more so when things go crazy...but for me it is the opposite. It is just so overwhelming and crazy so I go for the quick fixes. Now let me be clear...I did not lose total absitnece...but enough that I am resetting the timer.
I am resetting because I feel that this was a bit bigger then a small slip up...but not as big as quitting like I have done in the past and I also caught it before I completely spiraled...points for me.
See it started with a missed meeting here and there. Then I was like well I don't need the meetings. I have my morning meditations and all the books and readings. I was staying faithful to those and still not drinking sodas or eating the junk. I was watching portion control....THEN LIFE GOT REALLY REALLY BUSY!!! I stopped with my meditations. I stopped with that 20 minutes of focus...and then things really started falling apart. I was still sticking with the principals...I was still working on me. I was being told...you look great, you look like you have lost a ton of weight....well I am good...I can stop.
Umm no, I am not a healthy weight and I am not fully fixed in the head. But here is where I know I have learned something and I am different this time then all the others...I am 13 days from my mother's 55th birthday, her sixth she has not been around to celebrate with us. Normally this time of year I am filling the house with binge foods and planning pitty party Netflix binges. Not this year. I am planning a girls night, I am planning a healthy menu, and I am planning a cleaning and potty training schedule for my mini. So no not totally healed, but so far from where I started. And yes, I do have a few Netflix days planned in my future...THEY HAVE NCIS!!!
So starting over...Monday will make day one. I need a few days to get all the planning started and fully recover from my week.
Oh yeah, I do have to share something that has completely stuck though....I have not had a cigarette in 77 days!!! I am down to .4 nicotine...basically the lowest you can go before you are nicotine free!!!! I am so excited about this!!! This is how I know, it will all fall into place. I am maintaining school and the non smoking and on half caf coffee for most part!
So just for today...I am starting over...and working on me one day at a time!
