When it all comes together in one powerful AHA moment!

That number is how many days ago I brought back my #Justfortodayproject. 21 days ago I put me and my self-care first. My just for today project was born out of my need to remember that my recovery was first and foremost and any pressures that were going to derail that needed to be mitigated quickly and as permanently as possible! This included, of course, self-sabotage and being apathetic to what I was trying to do in my life.





This project was not just about me either. I discovered when I put me first for just a moment in the morning before the crazy kicked in, it made me a better person. Well, when the project relaunched, I was finding gold nuggets and had moments that caused me to go hmmm... and suddenly as I get further into it, I am finding gold BARS and having holy wow moments! Things that I have known since this blog kicked off in 2012, things that I have learned since working with Coach Tulin since 2016...are starting to CLICK!!!! Like really make sense and I have such clarity in things....it is UNREAL what happens when you clear your mind of everything but the words on the page in front of you and the music pumping in your ears!
This leads to this morning and what finally clicks in a very powerful way.


I can not only handle this on my own, but I also can not treat it as just a lesson to simply learn and move on from. I have to have a support system as well as I have to learn to actively listen and apply what it is that is coming my way. This was a vicious cycle I was putting myself in. I was also focused on all the wrong things. I was focused on a number and what I could not have and how I had to do this!  But why was I doing it? Was it shame? Was it guilt? Was it self hate? I had lost sight of a why that I did not even realize existed. I always said my why was my husband and my daughter deserved a Mom and wife that was fit and healthy. I always thought that would be enough to push me...when in fact it was the opposite. I was focused on the guilt that I could not keep up with a clean house, a work schedule, and be present for my daughter so I had to make a change...but it was coming from the wrong place.


It was coming from a place of pain and pressure. I did not like me so I must change me...but until I truly started to accept me, to love me, to like me I could not change. I could not move forward on this journey which is a lot more than weight loss. Let me tell you as a person who has lost and gained the same 50 pounds every year since I was roughly 25...weight loss is not all it is cracked up to be if you do not focus on the weight between your ears and figure out who you are and like you for that! 

Now, just because I have started accepting myself and liking who I am, does not mean I can not change and I can not grow. That growth and change must first come from a place where you are content and with lack of a better way to describe it...a comfort zone. I had to be comfortable with who I am before I knew the limits of my comfort zone and figure out where to go for next level self.

Now that I am learning self-acceptance and that also means accepting my limits and knowing that there will be days that 11,000 steps in a day are just not gonna happen (that has been 3 out of 21) and I will not always be able to just pick up the missed steps the next day (1 out of 21). I am going to need true rest days to get to my next level self. It does not mean I gave up on me, but yet I listened to what my body was trying to tell me. By giving my body the chance to rest, I am giving myself the opportunity to come back stronger the next day (as in working an 8-hour shift and then bowling for 3 hours.).

 Wrapping this up with this thought, I have always known deep down, what I was doing was not working, but I was comfortable with allowing circumstances, situations, and illnesses to keep me from growing and from moving forward into an unknown world of fit and healthy in mind and body. Now, I am focused on getting out of that comfort zone and being who I have always wanted to be not only as a Mom and Wife but as a person. I know who I want to be, I have a road map to get there I just have to put one foot in front of the other and move in a forward direction.







Till Next Time Y'all

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable...and blessons the first 17 days of 2019 has taught me

When I posted my very first blog of the 2019 blog season and the year in review of 2018, I had no idea what 2019 had in store for me, let alone what kind of a bang and plot twists it had in store for just the first 17 days. Specifically, since I posted that on the morning of the 29th of December and by that night I had my first plot twist! It got me thinking that I was gonna have to get real comfortable being uncomfortable and would even have to use the word No a few times. So that leads me to the next thing I should mention before I get into the thick of things. Audie, okay what is a blesson? Glad you asked...Here we go!

A blesson is a lesson and a blessing all rolled into one! Sometimes while a lesson is painful, there is a blessing in that pain. Some challenges are bigger than us and it leads us to lean into the wait and the God of our understanding. In this case, in more ways than one, I have had a few blessons in just these past 17 days. I also got hit this morning with a BIG BIG BIG reminder that I was starting to get comfortable again and that I was going down the path I usually take and I was journalling shorter, finding it harder to pull messages from the message and that is always the first sign I am about to glorify the busy and come to a halt in my journey. That can NOT, will NOT happen this year. I have too many goals (again not weight loss) to accomplish. So, here we go into these blessons!


The first is to stop procrastinating. Stop waiting to do something till things are perfect. Today is a prime example, I have business things I have to handle, but I can not handle them till Hubby comes home from work, well...why can't I do the stuff I need to do and pause when he comes home to handle that business...old me would have paused and allowed everything to wait until he was home and I handled that one task. Not today...I will do what I can after I wrap this up and then handle that.

The second is perseverance is not the act of just facing the struggle. I have done that before, I have faced the struggle and done the same thing every time...things got hard, I quit and normally right before the answer or the outcome was revealed. I was practicing the art of insanity. Things got hard, I ate it away, and chucked it in the "F-it bucket". Not this time, this time, I face each struggle uniquely and by first praying over it. I know that when I ask the God of my understanding to remove my impatience, I can work a little each day to get through the hard and patiently wait for the answer or the outcome to the situations. The answer is going to come, the solution is going to come...I just have to learn the art of patience...and that brings me to the third blesson...

I have always said I have no patients, I want what I want when I want it, how I want it, very Veruca Saltish. I am learning, it is not that I have none, I had no understanding of what patience truly was. It is not just the ability to wait it is the ability to wait with a good attitude and understanding that the outcome will come, the answer will come but in a different order or even a completely different one than I had in mind. Which brings me to the final thing these short two and a half-ish weeks has taught me...














All I truly have is now, this moment to make the best of everything. I can have expectations of the day, week, month, or year but if I spend all my time trying to force the moments into what I expect to happen, I miss the small moments, I miss living deeply and serenely! When I spend time chasing/wallowing in the past and worrying about tomorrow I miss what is happening right in front of my eyes! And in reality...I really only can handle the now. That is all I truly have time for is right now, this moment. I can not live two or three at a time and I can not change what I did yesterday so why try? Why give up that random fun with my little family because of something that can truly wait?

As I wrap this up I want to leave you with this...

When I really dug into the coaching I am receiving from an amazing woman (See my many references to Coach Tulin over the past two years blog) and working with an amazing fit fam, things keep becoming clearer and I am more focused on the things that matter versus the things that I truly have no control over. I am retraining my mind to realize I can not control all the pressures and situations that come, but I can control my reaction and what pressures I accept to handle. And I can do all this because...

 I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a God that would not bring me this far to leave me or watch me fall (Thanks to Steve Harvey for that reminder!) The journey I am on was hand designed by Him for me to lean into Him when it is hard and to pause and give thanks for not only the blessings He is bestowing on me but the lessons He has also put on my path!


Till next Time Y'all!!