Week 1 and the Butterflies

Y'all this week was a dozy, and you may need to bear with me for a minute while I wrap my head around a few things...like I really did that, I completed week 1 of training for a marathon!!! Lost 3 pounds...weight and tape next week, but I did the thing for this week.

Now, this is where the butterflies come in. How they relate to what went down this week to make it happen? Well, everything!






As part of the homeschool journey we are currently in, we decided to raise butterflies after a friend posted about it. We had three go into the cocoons and emerge as butterflies. There are a few things that I learned from watching this process that goes beyond teaching the life cycle to my second grader.

The first thing that I learned is that to become a butterfly, the caterpillar must first shed their skin and turn to goo. I mean a good leg day, 5 miles walk, legs turn to jello-am I right??!!?? A hard break-up, a death, a loss of any kind-does it not turn us to goo anyway?? The last few months have been my turning to goo phase.

Well, then they turn that go into a chrysalis or cocoon. When that chrysalis is formed, it takes time for it to become hard and really allow for that transformation. So, my goo is developing into a cocoon as we speak. This week was not easy, and it was not hard, but it was challenging. I felt good when it was done, but I spent so much time debating if it was worth it. My cocoon is far from ready to move, but it is the beginning stages. From there, the goo takes time to become a butterfly. I mean, I am taking on my most extended program to date-there is still 17 weeks of this plan to go!






The butterflies have emerged from their cocoons. But they are not ready to fly, they still have about a week or so of nurturing needed to be prepared to fly on their own. I may come out of this cocoon before the 17 weeks is done...but will need to see this through to fully transform! To be honest, I am okay with the need to continue to nurture before I am ready to fly. I am okay with it being a process. I am learning to lean into the challenge. This week has taught me a lot about me, and I was only in week 1!

It taught me I can be an action taker, it taught me I need to once again create a balance that allows for all the things to be done in a day. It has taught me I no longer am an all or nothinger, but in fact, someone who can adapt to a change in plans. I truly am on my way to be being the person I want to be. Now, do not get me wrong, I like who I am, but I know I can be a better version. I know that there is another level of go-getter I can achieve, and I am willing to do the work to get there!

This first week of training did not go according to the plan laid out on the pretty paper-but it happened. It was messy and clunky, and so many times I was ready to scrap it-like, do I really need to walk a marathon before I am 40? Seriously, who wakes up one morning and says I want to walk a marathon in my living room? The answers to those questions-Yes and I do! So I stuck with it! I kept moving in some fashion, even when my training plan so I could make it a rest day!   


There was a two-fold reason that I pushed through. That I said nope, not quitting this time. The first is I am doing this to prove to myself that I can do it, that I can see something this long through so I can take on 10 rounds and 100-morning meltdown through the fall. Y'all know the fall where I fall off and disappear? Yup, setting myself up to push through forward and stay present when for the last eight years, I ghost y'all and come back and never say again...I am going to stop that! I also could not tuck tail and run because I also have started using this and Instagram as accountability tools. I am not committing to a blog every week for the rest of the year. But I am committing to a weekly blog for the next 17. It also ties back into my just for today's project.

I am coming up on 5 years of food addiction/binge eating disorder recovery. In fact, after my two-week pause, I resume on my 5th anniversary! This project I am undertaking is teaching me I can plan, I can screw up the plan, but still take action for just that day that will add into the bigger picture. Tying this to my recovery and as a more significant celebration of how far I have come is another motivation to keep moving forward.

Y'all know I do the virtual races, and they tie into this goal in a big way. My first race was 26.2 miles (the distance of a marathon). It took me from March 3,2016 till MAY 9, 2016, to walk 26.2 miles. To hit 5 years of recovery and do that in a matter of hours will show me not only how far I have come, but will be the biggest celebration of this whole process.



See, my recovery is not just a mark of the calendar type of thing. It is not just checking the box of not binging that day; it is work. It is facing life and not running away into a half-gallon of ice cream. It is being present and feeling every pain, every emotion that comes my way. It is a choice to get up and face my day even when I want to curl up on the couch and order all the meals in. This training came at the right moment-honestly. I was almost ready to toss practically 5 years of hard work. But what would it fix? I made a choice to lean in and face the hard and then stand and do something about it.

I am going to get up every day and put in the work. The work to stay on this side of my recovery. I am going to get up and make sure that I take an action that will get me closer to the goals I have set. I have never been more focused on taking the actions and making things work for me. Not according to a plan on paper pretty with stickers and fancy colored pens. But in what makes sense for me and starting to shed what does not serve me. I have worked too hard these past 4 years+ to throw it all away for a binge that will only last for a few hours and throw me into a tailspin that I will have to pull out of-and well









So, signing off this week with one final thought:

I am taking this marathon training one day at a time. I am slowly adding (or as a wise coach has taught me) layering things that serve me while shedding what does not. I am slowly fixing my hydration. That has been this 14-day focus and have maintained an average of 40 ounces in just the first week. Over the next week, gonna focus on building up to 60...slow and steady. The following 14-day block is a focus on nutrition. Don't get me wrong, it is starting to bleed in, but by not focusing on it, I can work on just one thing at a time. I mean this week, I lost 3 pounds without focus or trying. I have been eating what I want when I want. Just making sure I utilize intermittent fasting starting after dinner and waiting 12 hours for breakfast. I am enjoying what this journey is teaching me about myself. I can do this, but I can only do it one day at a time.

Till next time y'all-
Audie