Wisdom, Mourning, and Closure....

Wisdom is defined as knowledge gained by life experiences. Mourning is simply defined as great sadness because someone has passed and closure is  a feeling that a bad experience has ended and that you can start to live again in a calm and normal way. Three words so different in definition, yet so completely linked....a sudden or even an expected passing, we mourn. We mourn in our own way, for our own length of time and out of that mourning we start to gain wisdom, and then one day we find we have found closure. Now, closure does not mean that the pain is gone...it does not mean that we miss them any less...it simply means we have found a NEW normal. We have found a way to carry on, like our friends and family would have wanted us to.

In the past seven years I have had two losses that rocked me to core. The first was my mother. While our relationship was not always the best, we were the best of friends and to have just one more coffee break with her to catch up would be AMAZING!! But, as the poem says, I am who I am because she was who she was. There is not a day I do not miss her...specifically this time of year with mother's day coming up, but I have a new normal with how I live those precious days and how I honor her.

Then just a little over a year ago I lost a good friend that while I had not seen in years, we said our goodbyes in our way. He knew where my heart was at the end of it all! Well, last night I got my closure. Again, not over it, just a new normal. I think of him and smile. He was the voice of reason when I spun out in my 20's. He was the one that put a mic in my hand and says you got a gift...use it! He was the one that carried me through that fateful song and last night I picked up a mic and I rocked it out...one last time for him. He carried me through it one more time! I never have to butcher Cher at karaoke again and will stick with my country classics I know!

So, this leads to wisdom....This morning my reading was discussing how wisdom is not something we acquire over night. We do not have all the answers and God has all the answers if we just pause to listen to him. How often do we ask for help, for advice and then do the exact opposite of what we hear? We need to stop that!

In the past year, as I have grown closer to God, and the more I rely on him, the more wisdom and insight I am gaining. Lets take last night for example. I went to a bar, I sang, and I had a blast....all while sober and did not even pick up a cigarette. I did not this on my own accord, I spoke with Him and said hey...I need a helping hand to get through this. How does this tie into wisdom? Simple, I was wise enough to know I needed help so I asked. Being wise, having wisdom does not mean we know it all, does not mean we will not need a helping hand, or that we have nothing left to learn. It means we know when to ask for help, to pursue new things, and to always dig deeper into life lessons.





 So what is next in my pursuit of knowledge?? I am going to learn how to meal prep. Husband is going to be gone for a few weeks so I am gonna branch out. One of the reasons I did the current no junk food challenge, was to see if I was that far into my recovery that I could lean on the Lord, or my HP, and get through without crazy binging...with 8 days left I am pretty sure I got this! Well, WE got this. God brought me to it and through it and I did not kill anyone even when I was in a state of Hangry.

Which brings me to here...I am finally rooted deeply in my faith, with my family, and my friendships....I am finally becoming who I really am, and I gotta say, I am love with the life I am living. When I turned this life over and said where You lead I will follow...When I said You are in control...things changed. I am finally growing up. At almost 40, I realize I am a grown up who is very young at heart! I have a mini who keeps it that way!!

So this week I finish this phase and on the 3rd I am kicking off an actual Beachbody program for my health and I am on a mission that I will explain next blog but for now leaving you with this teaser...

Just for today, I pray that His presences shines through me so that others may know that I know Him!

Slowing down and refocusing....

What a week!!! Now, I wanna take a moment and explain and clarify for my long time readers, I HAVE NOT FALLEN OFF! I am still plugging away on the weight loss goals and plans and this current challenge is actually working well! Where I went crazy...I lost my morning quite time. That time of prayer and mediation and when I talked with God, and this morning and this week I have been reminded...that part is not optional! I need that 20 mins to an hour before the crazy kicks in! (BWT That is an awesome song! Look it up on Youtube it is by the same artist that does the song below! Before the crazy kicks in..look it up!) But before I digress...

So I have not had a slow down since April 1st, I have left my house EVERY single day for at minimum an hour or two, and yes I paused and read the devotional and the OA reader...I did not LISTEN to the message. It was read...check that off the to do list and move one.

 But I was missing an important piece of the puzzle, what was the message?? Well this morning it was neon sign obvious...SLOW DOWN! Live a little, laugh a lot. We do not have to spend every single day doing amazing great things...some days it is about giggling with a mini, grabbing coffee with an old friend, or just sitting down shoulder to shoulder with your spouse and being still.

 When we take the moment to laugh, we are reveling in one of Gods greatest gifts! That is why he gives us kids...have you heard the things that come up with? Having a bad day, listen to two toddlers for five minutes and I can guarantee  they will lift your spirits. But we get so caught up in the have to do's, the must do's, and we forget to pause for the little moments.











Sometimes we need a five minute conversation with a friend to remind ourselves, it is not that serious, in a few weeks...it will all be over. It may be months, but the stress will not last forever! Adulting and people are hard...we can't spend all day with cats, so we have to find a reason to laugh!

So slow down, enjoy the journey and refocus on the important things! Today, I find a balance of being an introverted extrovert. I love being out and about, but I need a balance of days at home to days out....I found out the hard way...16 in a row is too many! I was on the verge of losing it when I sat down with my coffee this morning!
















I was on my way to losing myself again! I was on the slope to isolation simply because I did not balance! God showed me this morning...my personality and who I am, is who I am supposed to be so it is time to rewind to January and that focus and dedication I had to my time with Him every day. Whether morning or night...just still and in totally intimacy with him. As I write this, I feel as if I am not even in control.....like someone is moving my hands with puppet stings and with chills!!! Which brings me to the song below...Write your story!!



 When I give God the reigns, when I let go and let God, I remember the following....I am fearfully and wonderfully made. When I give Him the power to mold me...I have success and joy and I laugh a lot more. So just for today, I am focusing on the little things...one task at a time while I let God make things happen as he as written! I even am giggling at the fact that I finished dead LAST at the 5k yesterday...you know why? Because it was God's way to wake me up and let me know I was not letting Him in as I had before! I was slipping away! I had stopped letting him control this year! I had stopped relying on the theme verse for the year! Again with the chills!!! But there will be more 5k's in the future...This was a first one and I loved it!!!

Listen to the song, pull up the other and Have an AMAZING week!!! Till Next Weekend!!