I am my own worst enemy

I truly am my own worst enemy. I self sabotage all the time. And I mean all the time. Today didn't go as planned so I might as well eat this whole chocolate cake...umm yeah that makes sense. Or well I have to take care of everyone else so I have nothing left to take care of me. One better I don't have time to work out. My favorite one....I am not losing as fast as everyone else or the scale has not changed in a few days so might as well give up. Then there are the voices...I will never do it. I will get bored with it and my favorite....I am fine just how I am.

It took that month, that 28 days to figure out, I am not in a competition with anyone. This journey is about me and only me. It has nothing to do with my husband...it has nothing to do with my daughter...it has nothing to do with any other person I know working on a weight loss journey. The reason being, they did not start where I did. I started at my highest weight on my own...I was the only one who had put me there. I am the only one who can take me out of this place. So I did what I know how to do best at the beginning of February. I hash-tagged it #fightbackFebruary



and I did just this. I dug deep and I journaled all the emotions. I added in work outs. I searched pinterest and youtube for ways that I could do certain exercises at my size and fitness level. I bought a yoga mat, even crazier...I used it. I mention this because I swore I would never do yoga. It was too much for me. I was not that flexible and I would not look cute trying to do it. This was the month I got over myself...if I could wear the pants and could act as if with a lot of the issues in my life...yoga was one I could add to the list. Turns out I love it! Almost as much as Zumba if that says anything at all.

I joined stepbet and dietbet. I am motivated by money. I think I am on track to at least get my money back if not a couple bucks. I won't do dietbet again because it is just not for me. Too much focus on weight loss and not on the underlying issues. Trial and error, what the journey is all about!




So, here I am...mid February....Things are looking up, thought I had a job lined up and all...to find out not so much the case. Oh well, back to the drawing board...will be spending all week next week filling out applications and seeing how it pans out. I also found out I only have 18 months of school left!! Highs and lows...they are all over. The best part of everything in the craziness and the stress...I still have not cracked food wise! What I have done is turned my stress into exercise for the most part. I am doing a 5k every Saturday morning...I am literally the most fit I have been in a long time....and still have a long way to go. I did drop 12 pounds in Feb as well as tightening and toning a lot of the muscle. #fightbackFebruary was a success on many levels....but what is next?

 Welcome to my #motivatedMarch. I am no longer dieting and exercising. I am no longer focused on when oh when will that weight be gone. I realized...I like the gains too much! When I seen my before and after pics and seen my butt back where it belongs (yes that is a thing for us big girls!) The definition in my arms...I knew I had shift in mindset coming. I also had an epiphany...

 I was looking at this all wrong...It is not I used to be athletic...I am athletic.

I did not stop liking sports...I used to run, I used to play soccer...basketball....I stopped and life got busy, but if I can find time to sit on social media, or watch TV, I can find time to go for a run or get out there with Ab's and teach her to kick like a girl! This journey...it is not about losing weight...it is about finding me. So, nope I am not dieting and exercising in my living room....I am eating to fuel my body and training to be the me I was meant to be.









And this right here is the mindset...the inner badass is back...I am so over doing and being who everyone thinks I should be....I know who God intended me to be and a doormat I am not. I have always stood out and been me...I don't know where I lost it, but know that I miss it! I know I am going to have a successful 2017, because I have two amazing guardian angels rooting for me and reminding me, I never needed anyone permission before to be...why do I need it now?

So I am stepping out this March, I am cleaning out all the old things that just don't fit the persona I am building. I am working on adulting...I mean I bought a carpet cleaner....I used that too...I am finding out who I am in this season...and I refuse to be what holds me back! I refuse to be my own worst enemy any longer! I am ready to see what the end of March holds!

The White is where March kicked off and I know it will not end in the 300's!

So to wrap this up....

This is the motivation behind #motivatedMarch! I will no longer be lazy when it comes to me. I will use all the tools from planners to books to workout plans to be the best me I can be which in turn will allow me to be the best mom, wife, and friend I can be. Just for today: