Motivation and finding the strength!!!!

After a conversation I had yesterday I got to thinking about things and out popped my next blog topic.  Motivation and finding the inner strength to do this.

I have always been the fat kid.  Give me a movie day curled up on the couch with delivery food and a two liter.  I am a happy kid.  I love my vegg and play games and do nothing kinda days.  Well a few things have changed one I have an active 5 month who is not gonna hang out on the couch it is a big world and she has a lot to discover in her little corner of it. Two I am doing so much I can not sit still for that long.  Three, my biggest reason, siting on the couch and vegging all the time is what got me into this boat in the first place.  I have tried this weight loss thing numerous times over the years and for the first time I am sticking to it.  Numerous reasons again, I love the compliments from my husband about being sexy and beautiful and if he finds me sexy like this wonder what he will find me 5 lbs lighter and so on, I love being on the floor playing with Abbie her laugh is my favorite sound in the world, and I have a great group of people I have met through my weight loss group and many friends through Facebook who are great at keeping me going and rooting me on.  But then I realized something....this is not for them.  Yes the support is great don't get me wrong  but this is for me.  My motivation comes from with in.  It comes from proving others wrong and doing what I was told I can not do.

I don't always wanna dance and go walk the tread mill and I damn sure don't wanna climb on that elliptical machine (stupid bitch) but I do it because every time I work at it I become a stronger person.  I have noticed in my weight loss journey, I am becoming a different person inside.  I am no longer throwing pity parties, I am no longer blaming my past, and I am no longer blaming this on anyone but me.  I ate the food that put me in this position, I let the past control my future, and I damn sure am the only one who can get my fat ass off the couch to do the exercising.  I have become a walking Nike ad...Just do it!!!

So I found my inner strength and my motivation....it was the skinny bitch inside all along.  She was there and apparently my inner child had her locked in a closet and when I put the inner child in time out....the skinny bitch got out.  So she is now running the show.  Look out this plus size diva is on a roll.  No one is safe and no more pity parties.  She wants new clothes and until we drop major pounds we get none so that is my true motivation...SHOPPING.  Skinny Bitch=New Clothes!!!!! Plus when I hit my first weight loss goal I am getting hooker boots and a jean skirt that does not go to my ankles for the summer.  What is your inner motivation?

So happy Dieting till next time!!!

Arrgghhhh!!!!!

I went to the nurtionist today.  One I learned I am on the right track just need to eat more veggie and fruits.  Two I am losing weight and my program is working.  3.  I needed a new scale.  See here is why, when I weighed at the docs office it had me at 279.  Um WTF???? My scale at home has me so much lighter.  I had one of the old dial scales that no matter what it would not stay calibrated correctly.  Now I know for a fact it needs a sledgehammer to the middle of it.  So since this is the outcome I am just gonna give up and stay a fat kid....um fuck that.

Old me, yes I would have given up.  Why bother, I am not losing weight as fast as I want anyway.  Not the Mad Dieter though.  I bought a new pedometer, a new water bottle, and a new fucking scale.  Came home took scale out of box, took off shoes and weighted myself.  I am 277.  So maybe I have not lost 40 lbs in two months, but I lost 8.  I still lost...I average 2 lbs a week.  Which according to all the top websites for dieting...is the healthy amount to lose.  I am gonna continue to Just Dance every morning and do my training for my 5k walk on the 16th of December.  I also am gonna stick with my plan.  While I am not throwing big numbers up, I am still putting numbers up.  So a quick regroup and I have a new plan,
Step 1:  244 by March 26th
Step 2:  211 by July 29th
Step 3: 178 by November 4th.

I also am getting ready to walk with a friend of mine virtually.  We will be walking 8 miles a week together when she says go.  Yes I had a set back...a 29 lb setback.  But in actuality it was not a set back it was an eyeopener.  One I had not lost and gained that weight...I never lost it.  Two it has made me more determine to do this because I am doing this the right way.  Three I am a better person because of this.

Happy Dieting!!!!!

Small Victory...Big Challenge

So I know I have discussed comfort eating and using food to solve our problems, but this week I did a major no no but bounced back quickly.  See I lost my mom three years ago and this past week with it being Abbie's first Thanksgiving it was hitting me hard.  On an outward appearance I was holding together for the most part.  I was still watching calories and trying to work out...but inside my head was fucking with me.  See I was making myself think I was hungry but in all actuality, I was not.  I thought maybe I had increased my metabolism and my calories needed to be increased as well  and should check my BMR, but it was no where near weigh in day or time to check it so I would just wait till Thursday.  Tuesday I did a very intense work and Wednesday as well.  I couldn't get enough to eat.  I thought okay I will try and increase protein and that should fix it.  Then on Wednesday after having a 600 calorie lunch an hour later I was starving again and as I headed out to kitchen to find something to eat, I realized, I was not hungry I was upset.  I slapped myself on my hand and left the kitchen.  I then let myself have a real good cry, took a solo walk when Daddy got home and enjoyed Abbie's first Thanksgiving.  On Friday I jumped right back into the swing of things.

I know in my original discussion for lack of a better word I said to get real mad at the situation and use that for the fuel for the motivation to get back into the game and lose the weight.  But what if the weight is sadness?  What if what is causing the problem is not physically there to confront?  This got me thinking...how do I fix the issue of not having anyone to be mad at because my Mom is no longer here? How do I stop the holiday comfort eating, because no amount of food I eat will bring her back?  I figured it out...I let myself cry, I let myself talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I let myself let go...I will never truly be over the loss, but I know my Mom is rooting me on from the other side as the weight comes off and I know she is proud of me for taking control of the issue.

See it took it took me back sliding  to realize that comfort eating is not about doing something besides eating when you get pissed off, or hurt, or just plain in a funk...it is about taking control.  Control over the mind, the food going in, and effort going into the weight loss plan that you are on.  Only you can decide whether to give into the cravings or let it go.  Letting go of yesterday gives you control over today.  So now instead of getting mad or upset and heading for the Oreo's, I figure out what is bothering and take control back.  I can go for a walk, I can use my just dance, or I can get on the floor and play with my little girl before I hit the kitchen.  So  today I challenge you to do the same...take back control.

Happy Dieting