Reflecting....

 The last few weeks have been crazy...but I am getting things accomplished one day at a time. I have also been doing some thinking and reflecting on some of the stuff and events of my past.  Now let me be very clear, reflecting and dwelling are two different things. I no longer dwell nor live in the past. I also do not regret it. If one event had been different in my past, I would not be where I am today...and by all accounts I am in a much better place, mentally, physically, emotionally and  financially. I have a full life and I am so in love with what I am doing and what I have going with the connections and the people in it.

With school and psychology and all I have thinking about introvert and extrovert. And I keep saying I am an introvert...I was not always.


I am the one who spent six nights a week out with friends. Then I replaced bar nights with firehouse and work and I was always into something. I enjoyed a day here and there at home to recharge. Then I lost my mom. I still have a hole that will never be filled. I have a dull ache that will never fully go away, but I also have a family and friends who need me and love me enough to let me grieve, but again not dwell.

 When my mom died there was a shift and I started shrinking in. I am a firm believer in all things happen for a reason. I took my time off, I moved and I healed kinda.  2015, I have been making new friends and doing new things and I am so far from my comfort zone, I am scratching my head wondering
how we got here.

 So now I am faced with a dilemma, am I an introvert with  extrovert tendencies...or am I an extrovert with introverted needs???

I believe I figured it out. I am an extrovert with introverted needs. I love being out there and hanging out with people...once I get to know everyone. I love all the new stuff that this year is gonna bring. BUT when I get home and I take off my shoes I need time with my music, my writing, and my self.

 I am feeling like the me I was 6 years ago. I am finally making the right strides with me eating disorder, my fibro, and my depression. I feel like I am in a place where these things will no longer devour me. I also need people to understand when I say no I am not being social today, it is not you don't take it personal. It is really really me. It is me who needs to spend a day in fort coloring and no adulting and no pants...well real pants. I really am okay...and the next day the me I have missed so so so much will be back.

I am full of spunk, sass, smart ass, and love. When I say I got this or I got you, I got you. Just know...it may not be immediate but it is on my to do list and will be done by deadline. But I am back, me, Audie the one that knows I got this!!!
 

Just for today I am gonna Snoopy happy dance and be so glad that not only has a HP delivered me from dependency on my meds to function but he has revived and healed my spirit!!

Learning a few new tricks!

 The road to self discovery can be a long and winding one. I am on a recent role and after I finish this blog...I am finishing my to do list for today. Tomorrow I start a crazy few days with kids and parties and meetings...My next no plan day would be next Wednesday. The introvert in me is like but umm, recharge? I will do that in a whole new way soon.  

Anyway, last night I sat with my mini and we had a girls night...It was so much fun and I taught her girl fight...complete with the laughing and screeching and she loved it. Well I mention this because I have found something...when you truly laugh and I don't mean that prissy little giggle and such...I mean laugh from the belly...where you lose your breath..it releases something. Yes, the threes are an infuriating time as a mommy...but that is another blog on another day. I also have found that just letting go and singing...puts me on a whole other level of damn....I got this.

Oh I have weight to lose, I have teeth fix, I am getting wrinkles and it is dawning on me everyday I am so much closer to 40 than I am 20 now, but why be miserable about it. Whether I laugh through the good times and enjoy everyday or I sit an dwell on the what I need to dos...life is still gonna pass me by. So, I am gonna own it!!! I set a goal starting 8/ 23/2015 to walk 35,000 steps a week and/or 14 miles. So it comes down to average of 5000 a day and/or 2 miles. Well here we are at the half way point of my week and well...I need 134 steps by midnight to stay on track. I also am a 1/4 mile on my miles for week. I can do 134 just in trips to the bathroom and washer and dryer. The point is to set a goal and crush it...but crush it for a month consistently.
 From there I will up it to 10,000 steps a day.

Back in January yes I said I wanted to be a better me and I set all the goals, and well I got bored. I built a house of excuses and now here I sit in August and I am overjoyed at how much of the better me attitude is sticking!!! Today I have headphones charged the hubby home and a to do list that will be done by bed time!!! So with that

I leave you with the Just for today...OWN your victories and celebrate the little wins...they all add up to big successes!!