When the mind shifts gears...

Here lately I have been posting little blurbs on Facebook on the page dedicated to the blog, and I have been thinking a lot about that happy, what it is about writing that makes me happy...it is not just the act of writing it is the topics, the reaching people, to be able to help just one.

See, I am a recovering addicted. Food was my drug of choice and if you are a long time reader you know this. My recovery started in August on 2015. I am just over 8 weeks of celebrating 3 years of sobriety. This is something I have fought for, I have cried over, I white knuckled checking out at the grocery store to keep from grabbing a candy bar. Do you know for 18 months I could not touch anything that combined chocolate and peanut butter or anything that remotely resembles a Dorito, they were triggers for

I also got to thinking about when I started and what I looked like, what I felt like, things that my husband did to accommodate me as well as OMG the excuses and in it, I found why I fight for this. My recovery is not about my daughter, it is not about my husband, and it is not about proving anyone wrong....MY recovery is about ME. I do this for me because I want to live, I want to be here to watch my mini grow up and I want to celebrate 70 years of marriage to my best friend who loved me when I did not love me...my why is finding me and helping others who are just looking for that one hand, that one person to say You can...if you do the work and damn if this has not been work, but in this work, I have discovered something that no one could buy or give me....Confidence.

 My confidence level has just soared in the last year after working with an amazing Coach...(PS you need to check out Coach Tulin's Podcast Fit Has No Size. She has changed my life and shown me that my way taught me valuable data, but it did not work and then gave me the steps to do what I do and the freedom to do it

) She used her tough love and her wisdom to show me to find the NSV or the Non Scale Victory in everyday.

In just the past week I have found at least 5 I have had repeatedly in the last six months and I never gave it a second thought. I used to have to use the handicap bathroom because I did not fit in the stall and if I had my mini, there was no way in hell I was getting into the small one...

I had to convince myself I could have more coffee later if I grabbed water instead of starbucks. Twice now, I have been in Target and got water and not Starbucks. I am not saying I don't get Starbucks ever, and once I had already gotten it in the morning....but I used to not care, two three fraps a day...who cares? Well I do now.

The other day at work people maneuvered around me with ease. My husband and I can coexist in my wide hallway apartment kitchen....

Park car in one spot and walk to a few different stores and SHOP said stores with friends and not get winded. Last Monday, I shopped all morning and went to work Monday night for 5 hours. Now, I was not 100% that day, but it was not pain, it was like a stomach thing and that was making me tired and cranky.

All of this would not have been possible without getting into recovery and eating for fuel, not for comfort...not to numb....I have noticed it no longer has that comfortably numb feeling....it hurts if I eat just slightly too much at dinner, there is no way in hell I am binging and putting me through that....which brings me to this....

As I work my way through my recovery, as I travel my road to fit and healthy....I AM PLUS SIZE but I AM NOT HIDING! In fact I am joining a chorus of women. My writing is my voice, I am not ashamed of what I have been through and I am damn sure not going to dial it down because I do not fit a mold. I have a life to live, I have a six year old to raise in a world where little girls are told to sit still and look pretty....We can get dirty, we can run, jump, and still look pretty doing it! I will no longer sit idly by...I know why I was given a daughter....she is gonna push me out of my comfort zone, everywhere she goes she leaves a sparkle whether she is looking cute or cool that day...I have learned a lot just watching my spitfire bloom!

As I wrap this up and I get ready to start my Friday of laundry, schoolwork, and planning next week....I want to leave you with this...

Of all the lessons I have learned in year 3 of my recovery....It is this is my journey. Each year I add a layer, not by my own design....there is definitely proof God has His hand in this. He puts people, places, and challenges in the path to show me, I am not alone and that I can do this little by little every day. My only focus is what can I do in this 24 hours that will help me get to that healthier, fit version of me I am working to become!