When the year started there were so many good intentions, plans, and things I swear I was gonna do. This was gonna be the year I got in a minimum of 52 blogs and I was gonna really utlize this tool. All of sudden it is September and I have only written one blog and life has thrown me a lot of unexpected plot twists. So buckle up butter cup...this is gonna get a little long and deep.
January to March I don't have many well any real excuses...it is what it is. March is when things really starting pivoting. We got word our lease would not be renewed in June so we started looking and trying to figure out where we were moving to. So many no's...and by June we did the only thing we could do, put our lives in 2 storage units and a hotel room. It was supposed to be temporary but our lives are still spread in three directions.
Pausing here to explain I am not telling you this for sympathy, likes, views...it crucial to know the above for the rest of this to make sense...before I totally digress...back to the story.
So of course my confidence took a hit and nose dived. I have isolated and the only people that knew were really those on a need to know basis. We got our first big win finally in August when we got mini back into her elementary school with the teacher that already knows her struggles and the plan that was put into place to help her and then hubs got a raise and things are starting to look up.
With these wins of course there were a few stumbling blocks...a tire blowout, an almost repossessed car, coming up a few dollars short here and there...but all in all with a little help we are bouncing back.
However I was noticing that in being strong for everyone else I was starting to feel a severe sensory overload and feeling a little empty as well. Then it hit me...I had gotten away from my basics. Coffee, music, journaling, blogging. I was also under a constant barage of being told you can't do this, you have to get out of here, and I could never do this. Also having quite a few people dumping their issues on my already full plate. Yesterday I hit my boiling point and blew...luckily it was with a friend who understood it and in saying something a light bulb went off...I had allowed boundaries to falter. So today I am starting fresh...a reset if you will. New boundaries are going in place...
1) Ask me if I am in a head space to allow you to word vomit all of your drama onto my plate. If I say no, please respect that and find another venting place.
2) I can do this...I am doing this...please don't tell me what I can and can't do. Allow me to come to you and say I can't anymore...I will know when the time comes to throw in the towel...so far that day is not today.
3) I am well aware we need to be back into a place, you telling me that I need to get out of here just puts more pressure on me if you are not offering up a solution with the statement. My husband and I have a plan please allow us to work this plan out in our time line and do not force yours on us.
4) Stop telling me you could never. My room is at capacity, I am not asking you to. Stop interjecting your own feelings onto a situation you are not in.
Now that those are in place...they are not being moved or adjusted to make you comfortable. They are in place for my comfort and for my mental and physical health. They are the first step in my comeback...
I also this morning made it a point to enjoy some pencil to paper journaling and went through all of my books I have downloaded for someday and committed to 2. 100 days of Brave...day 1 being today and the challenge being to tell someone I am doing it so why not tell the internet. The second is a 52 week journaling thing that has 2 questions a week to journal and dwell on. Next week I will come back with what the questions were and the answers. I will be utilizing IG for 100 days of brave daily posts. I also am going back to my OA daily readers as I have 7 years in recovery now from food addiction. Sometimes you just need a reminder of where you have been to see really how far you have come!
This is my new starting point...this is my rock bottom and this is where I start to rebuild on a firm foundation for me and mine.
Till next time...
Audie
