Broken Crayons still...

 I caught up on two days of meditations and reading. I also did something new this morning, rather than listening to my regular music, I switched to Amazon's Top Christian station and found some new cool music...now I also want to explain a change that is going on. I have not recently found religion. I always knew where it was at...I have recently returned to my roots. I am far far from perfect, but I am working on my walk every day. I am breaking the cycle of fear or rejection, so I isolate, I isolate so I feel hurt and lonely, so I eat, I eat and I feel like no one will ever want to be friends and I do not want to deal with the fear of rejection....

So I chose to break that cycle! I am not my past, I am not my size, and I am not my flaws and imperfections. I refuse to allow the broken side of me to control what I do. Do not get me wrong...I still hurt, I still grieve because of past events...DAYS ARE HARD!!!! But I want recovery and an attitude of gratitude more!!











Today I choose to learn something new...something new about me, the world around me, a friend. My Dad actually ingrained in us growing up that a day where you did not learn something new, was a day wasted. I refuse to waste any more days!

I have also learned in just 16 days of the 365 days of happiness quotes...my own happiness starts with, well get this...crazy concept...it starts with me!! If I can not find happiness and content with in myself, by myself...I will never be truly happy.

 In this journey of rediscovery and recovery, I have already learned a few new things about me...If I open my mouth and say hey...I need a friend I am feeling low...normally someone is around.  I no longer need to do vague or cryptic posts to get someone's attention. I also have a bigger support circle than I realized!!!


So just for today, I am saying to hell with rejection, I am going to learn something new about me, and I am going in pursuit of my own happiness!!

13 days strong!!!

JULY 17th

 As promised the blog for the past few days...been crazy crazy busy...and have loved every minute of it!!
<--------This picture was handed to me today....I stopped and stared...when had I let that happen...but wait um was that really only just a few months ago? I don't recognize myself...I know it is me, that is my mini in the front...Then I remember the picture that is below

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Woop!! I am right on schedule. I am one week out for killing, smashing, destroying the goal of an 35,000 steps a week...that means I will have walked 140,000 56 miles...56 miles in 4 weeks. I had a small pity party moment this morning. I did not hit the 35,000 steps for last week...some of it was due to me lounging and some was beyond my control. In the past I would have said oh well, flip this spit...I am done....that is not what I did...I looked at my numbers from August 23rd when I started this and holy stuffs...I was only 36,150 steps and 12.63 miles off. I still had 7 whole days to accomplish this...I only had to walk 4,142 steps a day and 1.11 miles to complete it!!! So I am running with it.

 The crazy thing is that at 5:00 today I hit step 5000 for the day. Do I want to just sit on the couch and netflix binge...YES!!! This whole process is HARD. I am so wanting to quite. I mean why am I doing this to myself. Why am I doing housework, and volunteering like crazy, and going to school...oh yeah, I am doing it because I want to live. I am wanting to participate in life and no longer watch it pass by. I want a job, no I want a career!! I want to set an example for my little girl....my mini who is starting to understand about giving her clothes and toys to kids that don't have.



Don't get me wrong, these past few weeks have been hard and the closer we get to October it is going to be a fight...but a fight that I am going to win. I do not have the time to wallow this year, but I am also getting stronger in my voice and just saying No, not today. No explanation, just Nope...not today and I will let you know when I can schedule you in.

 So just for today, I am gonna giggle at the silly things, and enjoy the little moments...take the physical steps I need to heal. And I am gonna shine....I am gonna crush every goal I set...one at a time and when I look back at this year I will be truly able to say....I am a better me and 2015 was MY year!