The month of July I have been attending church on Sundays. I have been there for VBS, PWOC, Training, meetings....all of it. I had gotten busy again. The last two weeks....the sermons have pointed to getting back to the basics....that one on one time. I kept saying, oh I will get back to it...Monday morning....it never happens....as I kept putting it off, it started getting easier and easier..by the time I sat down to get into that quite moment and I flipped open my notebook....the last time I did it was June 28/29th and I did those two days together....and to be honest, I can feel it. In the last month, I was slipping back into some behaviors I did not like and felt like I was going back into the old mindsets...
So this morning I blew the dust off those devotional and daily reader books and I was hit with something in everyone of them!! The very first one, follow the rules....I had starting ignoring those simple rules right down to the one my Mama taught me when I was five...my life was returning to chaos. I felt me building up to a couch day and skipping my step goal for the day. The last time I missed my step goal was May 29th....that is not an option. I also found myself thinking I could have a trigger food in moderation. Um no...time to recommit to the plan! I also found myself back in that gossipy mindset and was wrapped up in words that were not said directly to me and was lashing out so to remind myself and it was mentioned in church last Sunday
too...So redoubling my efforts and in need of a fourth step rehash and then step 10, 11, and 12 over the next few weeks before I relapse so close to day 365.
So, I moved on to book 2....was reminded of something my dad said....followed up with
So what does this all mean? We have to design a life WE love living. We also need to learn more not about subjects, objects, and concepts....but people we love, in our family, and in our neighborhoods. If you ask just one question you would learn so much about a person. We don't ask why a person does what they do we just judge them for why they are doing it...which that in and of itself is a WHOLE other topic. You never know, the girl posting a selfie a day may have a new found confidence and making up for the year she sat in the house unless she absolutely had to leave.
Which brings me to book 3....
Anger is a vicious thing....it can cause a lot of problems.Specifically when you become the target of someone's anger and you did nothing to them. Or in my case, I imagine scenarios where angry words are aimed at me. There have been so many times where I have been the object of someones anger and in all honesty...it was not an emotion I needed to take responsibility for. Don't get me wrong...I can be an infuriating person at time. Hell I know I have pissed off a few people here and there...but no longer while I be used as a punching bag when someone is just angry.
As it says in Romans 12:19...I won't take vengeance, I won't lash out, I won't let your anger change me from the person I am fighting to become....but I will pray for you.
Which leads me to the last book....throw it on the ground....
Exodus 4:2-3a
So the Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?”He said, “A rod.”3And He said, “Cast it on the ground.”
There are so many things in our lives that we should toss to the ground. I know I quickly made a list of four things without even thinking...I was also reminded...God does have a sense of humor. I mean really, has a sense of humor. As I look back on the last year and a half of my life I would not have it through without that laughter.
One the things that I have a hard time letting go off and definitely something I need to throw to the ground...others opinions of me.
If you don't like me that is okay, I like me. I have spent so much time, effort, energy into being someone everyone else says I should be, I lost myself...I have finally found myself and I felt that gripe on my life and felt it was being pulled away again....NOPE not this time. This time I got my life. A husband that loves me and supports every hair-brain scheme, idea, and goal I set for myself. A little girl that is my whole world and growing into a beautiful little lady, a family that cheers me on...and a few that don't but that is okay still love and pray for my family and extended family daily, and a tribe of women I call friends that live locally and in my computer. God has put a plan in motion and while I may not know the outcome, I know it is gonna be amazing if I stay on course and stop letting little things take me off track.
4 paragraphs, written by 4 different people, at 4 different times...and together the message so powerful! Just for today...I am back on track physically, mentally, emotionally. Celebrating finding me again and as the song says, I have a couple dents...but when I had the reigns over to God, I am left free to be un-apologetically me!! Have a stellar week!!
