SAD and my fight back to finding me!

 Here we are in the fall/winter of 2018 and even though I had everything planned and ready to knock it out of the park...SAD found me and it hit me in the knees. It said Hello just like Jack Nicholson in the Shinning. It kicked in the door and said we have a couch and plans to become one...and for a minute I let it happen.




It started with a pinch nerve...that turned into a cold that turned into sinus and chest issues...like really how was I supposed to work out if simply walking left me winded and coughing for five minutes? And just as I am feeling human, it is trying to come back.....Like there should not be this mucus in one person, but here we are.

My head is logically understanding why we are not, my body is like whatever...fuzzy pants and the couch are great right now and my heart is looking at the other two like Seriously??? Like we had a meeting and we were all on the same page....so what does a person do when the powers to be are all fighting against each other? Like it is a royal rumble going on in there and all I want to do is a 20 minute workout and that seems like way to much....well, I am not waiting till March for everyone to agree...that is just NO. So what is a girl to do?

That is right, this morning I called a come to Jesus meeting with the heart, the head, and the body...I said "Self, we need to get it together or all of the ground we gained in Sept and October we are going to lose." Now, I want to pause here so you understand something. Yes, I have a game plan, and yes I know exactly what I am going to be doing to get out of the rut, there is still a need to share this part of my journey and not so y'all think I am crazy.

SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is very real and affects many. While I am still getting away from my conditions being reasons or excuses, I am still working on the mindset switch. I have used conditions as limitations and crutches for 13 years, Let me say this again for those in back THIRTEEN YEARS!!!! I have only been working on me, one issue at a time for the last 3. That is ten years that I let it all cave in and just let things happen. So, I am going to have starts and stops, I am going to have highs and lows, I am going to fight and I am going to struggle through this SAD season this year, because I am getting very uncomfortable and not hanging out in my comfort zone.




This year is about finding out just how far I can go. This is about fighting back and building that summer body, finding that healthier version of me. I can not and I will not be in a position that March 1st, the clothes I am wearing will not fit. I will not be in a position that I have to start over again. So how do I do this? How do I fight back and get off the couch and back into the groove?

First I acknowledge just what this is, it is a setback. I am not a failure, because everyday I knew me and my health was worth it. I was sick, I was injured...Now I am not. The timing sucked, but you know what...I learned from it. I know I got to gentle with me and I also know that the next cold and injury that pops up, I do not let the mind go full pushover. When my heart and head are on the same page, my body does not stand a chance.

 I also pause and remind myself I have the strength to do this. I may not want to everyday, but I also do not want achy joints, to start over, to have this fight every time I do not feel good, or let the illnesses/conditions to win. I am not defined by them, so why should I let them run my life?

I also am learning to fully love myself, flaws and all. What the start of this SAD season has taught me is I am not a failure, I am not a waste of time, and I AM WORTH IT! Just because I had to pause and I had a small setback that took me a few weeks to pull it back together, I am still at the top of my game, I am still HBFC, I am still in control of my choices and how to handle life from here...and from here I want to go back to setting the example and to making sure that my daughter has a role model that is not a picture in a magazine. I talk all the time about not sitting still and looking pretty...time to own it!

What the last three years have shown me in the data, I know how to get to here...I have done it time and time again. I have done it March of 2016, 2017, 2018...what I will not be doing is doing it again in March of 2019. I am ready to see what I am fully capable of!

Moving forward and fighting back to what this time of year typically does to me...Challenge Accepted. I will be posting more as I am trying to carve more time out of me as I give myself space to deal with this and I start prepping for a 19th start of something! Not going into too many details, we I did that before life hit and I never launched...so just stand by one....I am a work in progress.