I have posted a whole 10 for this year in 2017 I did a whole 14. I sat back and I thought for a minute...yes I did go back to work, yes my school work got a bit harder, but why would I walk away from something that was helping me heal?
So that got me thinking, what is so pressing on my Sunday Mornings that I can not pause to recharge my Fitbit and recharge my soul at the same time? The housework will still be there, the #momlife needs will still be there, and I can pause and get the mini what she needs, there is a nifty save as you go feature...so what was really stopping me from taking this moment for me?
Then of course there is still the need to add in workouts, housework, and finding time to just be me...not mom, not fitness related, not wife, not manager...just me. So how do I fit it all in? As weird as it sounds, it starts right here, right now taking the time to hash out the chaos in my head and enjoying some music and coffee. See my story will not end wrapped up in conditions or in a state of health where every ache or pain has me worried that a flare is about to happen.
So, it is time to write my own story, weekly at least and build up on how I am fighting back against what is happening in my life and carving out that time to be me. I mean seriously how do I ever hope to hit 10,000 views if I do not write anything new to view?
This morning when I paused to do my journaling before I started this, because the message was so profound, I was reminded that not only do I have a story to write figuratively and literally, I have a lot to laugh about. I mean I have a six year old mini (scary to think about considering when I started this I had a 4 month old) who keeps me laughing and pulling my hair out at the same time as she finds her voice and her place in the world. It is pretty awesome that we are doing it together...she is a bigger inspiration to get it semi right than she will ever know.
As I am writing this, she is looking for something to watch on Netflix and enjoying some cereal. She makes me want to finally heal the wounds of the past. She does not deserve a mom that can not get past something that happened years ago and I refuse to let her down....dance parties, workout sessions, and learning how to write and plan are all little things that I can do with her that brings out the laughter and I can feel the wounds pulling closed.
Speaking of healing, you know that it is something that happens daily, no matter what my day holds, I heal a little more every day. Everyday that I start with a cup of coffee and a moment for me, I heal a little more. I let go of a little more of the past, and I learn that the experiences shaped me to who I am today. Whether it is something I want to feel again or something that I NEVER want to experience again.
What I am doing takes courage. I am sharing a story that quite honestly I do not know if anyone wants or needs to read...I am doing it for me and as a way that later in life, my mini can read and learn just who her Mama was. I am putting it out there not as a look at me, but as a tool to heal. It gives me a healthy outlet and it helps me put my life and week in a perspective to know where I could have made better choices.
Audie
