Week 2 and Acceptance of it is what it is...

Well, week 2 is officially in the books, and honestly, it was more of a challenge than week 1. SAY WHAT??!!?? Yup, it was definitely an "it is what it is moment," but in that-I also realized it was not what it seemed to be in the moment. Confused as I am?? This training appears to have me in a constant state of confusion here lately, but it is a good thing. Out of chaos comes moments to just sit and be still as well as clarity from taking the actions. These actions are taken even if I do not know at that moment why I am doing it.

This week I also had what has now become a weekly long talk with my #fittwinsister. This conversation brought up a lot of talk of new normal and a suggestion of doing a blog on it. I said I did that before...Sept 2019 to be, in fact, once I researched it. I went back and read it, and in that, I had an AHA. So much has changed in the nine months since I wrote on finding a new normal, that I felt it was time to tackle it again. What has not changed is easier to list what has. The things that have not changed-I am still on a journey, I still have fibromyalgia and Chronic Depression, and I am still trying to "find" this magic balance and normalcy of life. I mean living through a pandemic can throw a wrench in the plans, but in the prep work for today's blog- I had an AHA I have to share...ready for this...

There is no such thing as normalcy in my life right now. There is not a state of chaos either. There is a semi balance, but I did not find it-I created it. I am creating a life that, to me, fits what I need right now at this moment. It may not look what you think it should look like, but it works for me, and that is what matters.

See, I had found what I thought was going to be my new normal, and I got laid off, and pandemic hit within weeks of each other. Just as I figured out shelter at home, we are going back out again...but differently then we all are used to. Basically, here is what I have learned in the past nine months chasing normalcy-everytime I get comfortable, something will change, and I will become uncomfortable again. Once I made peace with this, and I accepted it-I was able to see clearly for the first time in a long time.







 In this time of spending time at home and diving into this training and the coaching I am receiving, I realized that life is genuinely messy, and just as soon as I clean up one mess, there will be another one waiting. Even if I get the whole house cleaned up in a day-it will not stay that way. So I am embracing the messy. I am embracing being able to f'up and be an imperfectionist and not quit in a lot of areas of my life. Mom, wife, athlete, student....all of it. And those chronic conditions that I am dealing with...I have a new sentiment about it.













Yup, I really do not give a shit that I have them. They, much like my coffee, ain't going anywhere. We have to learn to coexist. They are just as much a part of me as my big, snarky, lovable sarcastic personality. Hitting this level of acceptance of them-it is growth that now allows me to stop using it as a crutch or an excuse.

Now that I have accepted this, well, what is next? Um, week 3. I have new toys for fitness to add in to help get a better work out for strength days. I am also finding I can take a day or two to process some emotional stuff and roll with it. Some days it may not be the planned work-shorter walk, dance it out session.

There was something else that I let go of this week-expectations. I let go of expectations of others on my self, let go of self-expectations that I would just robot my way through this training. Having a want and drive to make it happen is great. But, it is silly to expect every day I am going to bounce out of bed, saying let's go walk 5 miles, let's go do that strength workout. It is also silly to think that my body is just gonna roll with the expectations the mind was putting on it. I mean we went from occasionally working out to 6 days of working out...The body had a few things to say about it. It reminded me quickly, we have to build a routine, or it will fight back!

So going into week 3, I am making a few changes that make sense for me and my journey. I will be adding more dancing it out days to the plan-who says I can't dance for a mile and a half then walk the 3.5 miles? The point of this is to build stamina and strength. To layer into a routine that will just become second nature to me. It will become my normal. It will be how I accept and embrace where I am at. It gives me a baseline and a place to see progress from.




For me, this is my current state of normal, having too much time on my hands and not always following the laid out plans for the day but I do move my body, I drink my water, and I do what I can. I also have accepted that when I go back to work, my normal will again change. There will be a period of chaos as we all adapt to the change, and that is okay. What matters is that the change is accepted, and a new normal/balance is created that works for my family and me.






In writing this, I found another AHA that wraps this up better than the original thought...

Learning to coexist with chronic conditions is a process; it is a stringent process. What makes it harder is fighting against it. Knowing what I know now after 14 days of training lets me see I need to make some tweaks. The current plan is causing inflammation, and that doesn't help anyone. The emotional side of this is that I know that I can come up with a routine and training schedule that will work for me-I may have to extend it out a few more weeks. The expectation is that I can walk a marathon in 18 weeks. Acceptance is that it may take me training for 20 weeks before it will happen. Expecting to be able to go from mostly sedentary to extremely active without building it up in layers and creating a routine that my body has time to adjust to is just silly and going to lead to an injury that is really going to sideline me.

So why fight it? Why cause more pain on a body that has already carried me through almost 40 years of life without letting it have a little grace to catch up to where my mind is taking us. When the mind and the body work in harmony, I can go so much further than I ever expected! Time to wrap this up and reconfigure the next few weeks and see how it feels at the end of this next 14-day block! Data tells me the changes are necessary, so I stay the course. Changing the plan and staying flexible is always okay-what is not okay is changing the goal. I will walk a marathon this year, it just may not be on the initially scheduled date. I mean, they have rain dates for a reason!




So till next time y'all-
Audie