No I have not found the fountain of youth. No I am not a vampire. But I am aging backwards. Let's take a look at this...
The last two pics were the 7th...43 looks a hell of lot different then 36...yes you read that right I turned 43 on the 5th of December.
So what the hell am I doing different? A lot actually. The biggest change has nothing to do with weight-loss. It has nothing to do with exercise, drinking more water, or even sleeping more. Okay maybe the stairs I am up and done a few times a day may have a thing or three to do with it. And yes, I am still smoking. So what is it?
It is easy but hard all at the same time. I found the root of my anger. A deep rooted 26 year growing wild root. I started digging through all the trauma in my life. I stopped playing the victim. I stopped why me and started asking what is this teaching me.
I picked back a hobby that makes me feel alive. I started dancing more, I started giving a shit about what I thought and what I wanted. I also stopped giving a shit about what others think about me. Because in all this I learned something...
I am enough, but I am a lot. However if the people are not willing to let me be me, then they need to go find less...point blank it took me 26 years to find me, the version of me I love. I am not making myself small anymore to allow someone else to feel bigger. I am not dimming my light so yours can shine brighter. But I will share the light. I will admit when I am wrong and try again tomorrow. I will share a smile and I will love who I love fiercely. I will stand up for what I believe and fight for anyone who can't fight for themselves.
See I am a powerful force of nature. I come in like a hurricane and currently I am raising a tropical storm. I refuse to let her go through what I went through. We show unapologetically us. Awkward and weird are charismatic appeals about us.
This past week, I learned not one but both of my bosses think of unicorns when they think of me. At first I was confused...me? A unicorn? Like what?? Then I realized unicorns are rare mythical creatures that are associated with rainbows, glitter, and princesses. While I am no princess, I do bring a lot of fun to what I do, now that I am not so focused on hating everything and everyone. Bright colors and glitter are kinda my calling card even when I am dressed in all black because my personality oozes that shit.
Bringing this all back as I wrap this up. Because I am embracing who I truly am, because I am no longer allowing my past to define who I am, because I love this version of me I am becoming...I am watching years of stress melt away. I am watching the years melt away. Adopting the attitude that everything is figureoutable...I am watching myself age backward. Seriously if this is 43, I will embrace it and celebrate it every single day!
Till Next time-
Audie
