I know it has been a bit longer between than I would have liked since I sat down, but it has been cray since the 29th! I officially no longer have a toddler, but a preschooler! We kicked off the first week of school on Tuesday so the days leading up to it was prep! I also have a BIG project underway. I am taking back my space and working on getting my office/craft space back in order so I can move all of my planning and blogging and schooling out of the dinning room! BUT I have been posting on my
Spoiled Momma Facebook page daily since Tuesday so you can always follow there for daily insights too!
So this whole week, as I have been doing the reading in the morning for the bus there has been a personal battle....the bus stop. I am an introvert...daily communication with the same group of people TWICE a DAY???? Will they accept me? Will they like me....will I be my usual awkward self??? Today I was reminded....it does not matter. I accept me, finally. Who I am, and what I have is all I need to be happy today. And as I have stated numerous times....Just for today.
Because I accept me, I set that standard and I no longer fear being liked. This was a huge thing for me in the past...everyone must like me. It is a rule and those that follow suit well there must be something wrong with everyone but me...Yeah we see where that attitude got me...A year alone in my own mess both mentally and physically.
By understanding that character defect and learning I first learn to accept my self and than following through with that...I found my true recovery and my true peace. I also learned that once you accept and love yourself...can others follow suit!
Now, I want to pause here. Just because I am happy with where I am, just because I accept who I am...does NOT mean I am done! I have a goal and I am going after it! I want to be healthy and fit, I want a better BMI and I want to be under 200 pounds so I am going to push for it! I am going to make it happen, but I am love my body at each stage of the weight loss. I mean seriously....if I only loved my kiddo and my husband when they were perfect, well that would lead to a miserable existence! I will love them unconditionally, just like I love me unconditionally. I think Ru Paul says it the best...
Which brings me to the next major point...Faith!
This past few weeks, I have been tested, beat down, and had what felt like the Devil himself swoop down and try and take my faith away. I was losing both hope and faith that I was never gonna be where I wanted to be. Then I had some major NSV's go down! (Non scale Victories for those that do not speak lifestyle overhaul)
I also have spent more time in prayer and mediation. I mean with all the walking, yes music on, but I know there was a hand pushing me when I was doing the two miles at the track...this does not include the walk there and the walk home. There was a small prayer for restored determination and strength to make it happen! Nothing fancy...and then I paused to listen and an hour later I was home and headed into my to do list! Which today will be steps and lots of sitting and school work...I have aggravated an old ankle injury and I have a 107.2 mile three medal race set to start on Sunday!
Speaking of this and steps....this was a hard lesson to learn for me and one that I was reminded of in August....I can pray, I can ask, I can beg...but God is not gonna sprinkle some fairy dust and one morning I am gonna wake up and slip into a size 10 pair of jeans....It is not it works. What he has done is placed people, tools, and mindsets in place that make it happen. Literally one step at a time! So I ask him to guide my feet, while I walk it out!
The serenity prayer...I say it a few times a week, a day...an hour! It reminds me...I can do one thing...every morning I can get up and do it all again. Every day is day one till bed time and it becomes one more day on plan and abstinent! Confused? I am on day 385...but to stay on plan and to continue adding, I live as each day is day 1!!
Wrapping this up so I can get some house stuff handled and some school stuff handled....I was also reminded I am beautifully broken and each day by God's grace and through a heavy dose of faith...being repaired!
Just for today...I will live in the now, celebrate the moments, and praise God that I accept me and who I am becoming!
Because I accept me, I set that standard and I no longer fear being liked. This was a huge thing for me in the past...everyone must like me. It is a rule and those that follow suit well there must be something wrong with everyone but me...Yeah we see where that attitude got me...A year alone in my own mess both mentally and physically. 
