Ch...Ch...Changes!!!

 Okay so here is what is going on in my head....I am not really losing weight like I want. My body is not cooperating like I want it to! I went to the doctor today and was told to take it easy for a few weeks till the weather stabilizes and I get through this spell of break through pain. BUT...I do not want to stop blogging till Spring since lately I have been on a roll with ideas, thoughts, and am enjoying getting back into it. So we are shaking things up!

 For the next few weeks, I am going to be writing about something I am trying to do more and more in  my day to day life...changing for the better,  empowering my friends and family to be everything they can be, staying positive, and above all else...like I mentioned in my last blog, self love! I may even cover parenting,  school, just whatever comes to mind! I have one that I really want to do...but need to hear back from some one before I go with it.

I have always been one who uses humor, sarcasm, and wit to avoid certain topics. If it is painful, I don't wanna deal with it, if it is hard, I won't stick with it. Maybe that is one of the issues when it comes to my weight loss. I just let my head beat me. Who knows, all I know is this year is a journey. I refuse to end 2015 feeling like I do right now...defeated. When you have out so much of yourself out there and not being able to follow through with that goal it is disheartening. BUT I am not going to let hard define me anymore. I also want to take a minute right here and right now....This is one thing that will never change...I have been known to tell a few people if you want shit sugar coated go to a bakery. I will not tell you what you want to hear. I will tell you what it on my mind. I also will give you an honest opinion. You may not always agree with me...that is cool!!! I live to debate points...but here is the deal...I am done being judgmental, I will not be nasty, and if you don't like what I have to say or you do not use my advice...oh well... It is not my life. As it has been said all over Facebook...not my circus, not my monkeys.

This is my year of untangling myself from as many chains, ropes, ribbons, and lace that I have become tangled in and simplifying my life.  I am going back to a principal and wise old friend taught me...Can't see it from my house. Now this does mean I do not care....this just means that once we discuss, I listen, we have coffee and scream it out...whatever it is we do...the next part is all you. If it doesn't affect me, my house, or my family....I am done worrying about it when we are done talking about it. I am adopting this principal again for my own peace of mind. See what a lot of people do not get is that my fibro reacts to my head. If I am stressed, upset, anything outside of calm...my body starts to flare. When I flare I am useless. I am tired of being useless. This is where a lot of the reasons for change has stemmed from.

Now I also want to point out a few things here:
1) If I do not answer your call, text, or message...please do not take it personal....I may be busy and will call you back, or I can feel a flare coming so I am withdrawing to prevent it.
2) I am starting to weed negative things from my life...people, items, movies, books, ect., ect. I will no longer let this behavior into my little world.
3) Sarcasm is my way of life...it will never fully disappear, but I will be trying to cut back it's use as it is a defensive mechanism.
4) I am focusing on a me and mine for a few months so if I cancel plans, don't make any, or just disappear for awhile, there is a reason, which I may or may not explain.


 Now there is another reason I am doing this....I am starting the testing for another condition. I am being tested for Cushings Disease....the long and short of it is I may have a tumor on my pituitary gland or my adrenal gland that is producing too much cortisol. It also mimics fibro in some symptoms, but one main thing it does is it causes my body to produce too much cortisol. If it is found that I have this...it explains why I can not lose the weight in my stomach. So next Tuesday I start the testing process. When that is done the next step is more testing to figure out where I have the tumor. It is operable, but the recovery is long and painful. I am sharing here because it is not an easy thing to talk about and it is scary. All I know is I am slowly putting my health in check.

 

So again I am asking everyone for the next few weeks...bear with me! I will be doing blogs about people I find empowering and inspiring. I will be doing a lot on eating since that is the only aspect of a diet I can work on right now. I also am getting ready to go into psychology in school, those will be some fun weeks to blog. I also am facing finals and the start of busy boatie's wife season. But I thank y'all for hanging in there with me as I bounce back and forth...Also



I am writing poetry again and have a project in the works with a few other writing friends of mine so be on the the look out for that!!!

Until next time,

Happy Dieting!!!

In honor of Valentines Day...

I want to talk about love. No not from someone else...from yourself. In my household, we don't do valentines day. This year is a little different as Abbie is getting older and we are doing some Valentines stuff in her playgroups. But regularly we do EVERYDAY!! Sometimes it is a little surprise from the grocery store, sometimes it is just a simple hug while I am cooking, from little to big...we celebrate our love everyday. I also know I will never get flowers, candy...all that stuff from my husband...not because he won't buy them, because I do not want them. I want something practical...I want new pans, I want a new vacuum, I want something that will last past 5 days and will not add inches to my hips!

But this is about self love....see as someone who has struggled with my weight since I was 14...lets do the math...21 years of my life. I have been through a lot with my weight, I went through the years of hatred for it, heard every fat joke, and years of even adult bullshit. But I am at a point where, I am working on the weight, but I truly do love myself and know I am a work in progress! See I have a vision for 2015. I have discussed this with an amazing friend who has become my local BFF. I know a portion of why the weight loss is not sticking is I live in my head from time to time. I also know that there is a fear...remember I have spent more of my life as the fat kid then the skinny bitch. So before I completely digress, as usual, lets get into my vision,

1) No more negativity-towards myself, people in my life, no more judgmental behaviors. Just none.
2) If I can't find something nice to say...not saying a word. I will excuse myself from said conversation.
3) I am looking to empower my friends, family, and myself. I want people to feel better after talking to me  instead of worse.
4) More time spent on hair and makeup and looking like a girl instead of a worn out Mom. and more pictures of me and if I can get Abbie to hold still long enough, her and Me.
5) No more living in the past...what is done is done, it is what it is, and no amount of thinking, living in it or even wallowing in it will bring it back or change it.

So by following these 5 principles I am hoping to finally get out of my own head. I know that I will be a happier person and will be a better friend to be around. If I am happier, it is easier on my body. Fibromyalgia thrives on pain...specifically stress and emotional pain. I know it will not happen over night, hell I know I will slip up. I also know that while I may be making changes, I refuse to give up all my sarcasm and dry humor...it is part of my soul, part of my genetic make up...Thanks Dad! It is also part of my writing style...what would Mad Dieter be if I got rid of that???

At the end of the day...we all have to work with the cards handed to us. For some of us, it is easy to hop on a fitness plan and run with it, for others, it is not. But we all have to love who we are, and embrace our limitations, our successes, and our failures. Not every venture is going to work out, but there is something positive in every one! I used to look at my weight loss as one failure after another....then I realized that it was a mental block, my head telling me...Bitch we can not do this....so this year I am refocusing how I am handling the weight loss and working on my head while it is still a little chilly, walking when I can, and slowly putting my workout corner together in my room. I am giving up my planet fitness membership but taking advantage of the free gyms when I can. Even if it is only a few days a week at the little community center gym...it is something. I am refocusing my energies into positive and school, and enriching my home life. Because in all honesty, I do love me and my life!!! My crazy, hectic, always plan in pencil, and adapt and overcome quickly life!!!
Until next time y'all...

Happy Dieting!!