Choices and Tools used to make them.

 Yes, I am aware it is Wednesday and I normally do not blog till the weekend, but the past two days have had so much happen, a Facebook post was impossible. I write this as I sit here with my bible, two devotionals, and my Food for Though OA material and so much running through my head (and as always my praise and worship morning music). I mention all of these cause they are part of the message...They are tools given to me by God to hear his message.

Ever stood in a Home Depot, a Lowes, even a tool department of Wal-Mart? There are so many to choose from! There is a fun word...choose, which means we have a choice on which ones to use and to leave behind the rest as we discover they don't work for us. Some we buy to learn to use, and with all of them comes an instruction manual, the Bible is just that for us. I promise by the time I am done this will all make sense! Just stay with me.

On Monday, hubby left for a mission, I was struggling a bit with Mother's Day upcoming, but I dived into house cleaning, my planner, and my fellowship and I did read my devotionals, just didn't journal on them had a board meeting that morning so I was out the door. I was in a state of I am good, God has me and I got this. Philippians 4:13, we have discussed this one...moving on, I got news of a family member passing. Everything came to a halt. I was then faced with two choices, I could walk out into that kitchen and undo 253 days of blood, sweat, tears, and triumphs....or I could sit down and have a good cry and pray for peace and comfort in this time of need. I could get out my OA books, and I could redirect. I sat down in my husband's chair, I had my daughter curl up on my lap and tell me no sad Mommy, happy as she wiped my tears away and listened as Mommy rambled on about why she was sad...she did not fully understand it...but in that moment God used my angel to remind me it is okay to feel sad, it is okay to cry...and then we played super heroes...I mean who can be sad when it is your turn to be Iron Man?

 It was in that moment, I realized I had learned how to live again. I had through the grace of God and with his help, reclaimed my life. I am no longer dependent on bread alone to survive! That was such a powerful moment in my life. I had made a choice to love, to live, and to rely on my HP to get through the hardest of days.

 This is the verse that was in my journal on the pages for today as I sat down this morning for that moment of peace before the to do list, the mini gets up, the crazy kicks in! I am seeing now just how much it rings true!!













I also finally found and it came in yesterday, The Less of me, More of Him devotional that actually focuses on weight loss! In that one the first verses were Judges 18:5-6, more tools and signs...I am on the right road now!!




Yesterday I also had the chance to listen to a very wise and beautifully spirited woman, who spoke about...honestly I do not remember the exact topic...because God used her to get me thinking about something and another reason why there is a special edition...I have mentioned Philippians 4:13 a lot...It is the theme verse for the year...but what came before that? What was Paul trying to tell the Philippine Church?

 Stop dwelling on all the bad...not stop feeling, it, stop dwelling on it. Find the true, lovey, good things...MEDIATE, DWELL on these!! In verses 9 Paul talks about how they saw all these traits in him and if they did them just as he had, then the Lord would bless them as He had blessed Paul. How awesome is it being reminded in a time of darkness and pain, God used one of his children to remind me, think about the good times and focus on what is praiseworthy to make it through the rough times...I mean Paul was sitting in prison writing this saying think about the good times!!

  And then verses 11-13, we get into I have enough and I have it all because God gives me just what I need! Yesterday I got to watch a mini one go from terrified of a bouncy plaything to climbing a slide and taking it headfirst! She had such a joy and excitement...I have that as well, when I make the choice to get out of my comfort zone and to feel real life!!

So as I wrap this up....I say goodbye to Aunt Sarah, a beautiful, vibrant woman, who loved life, her children, her grand children and reminded us all that a kind word and a helping hand gets you farther in life than an ugly attitude! Fly high and rest easy...we got it from here.

I choose to feel, to mourn, and now for today, I choose to stick with the plan with a renewed reminding....It is okay to cry, it is okay to laugh, it is okay to scream...it is not okay to stuff my feelings and it is not okay to give up on me. God has not, why should I?

Success and Failure...

I had a feeling of both this week. I have had an up and down week. There were tears and anger and there were smiles and holy wow I did that!!??!!

So lets start with the low... I get on the scale to get my weight for the start of the 21 day fix and things of that nature and well...I find that there was something stuck on the bottom of it and I am off on my weight loss by 20 pounds. So it is only 40 for the year...40 pounds in 4 months and I am griping (again not my best moment, but I fix it in a few minutes...just staying honest and transparent here. I mean seriously I have lost 10 pounds a month and I was still throwing a temper tantrum I was not at my best that morning!)  Clothes are fitting weird or not at all due to where weight is shifting and things are not the way they were a few weeks ago...hubby is going away for the week...and well Mother's day...'nuff said on that one.  So, I cried and I threw a fit on Thursday. I got mad and I went into a funk. Now there is something I want to point out here....I did not turn to food, I vented to friends, I let the tears flow, and I dug into some bible study....and I found this gem! Of course I also referred back to the years theme verse...Philippians 4:13. I just proved to myself that I can suffer a great loss, a setback if you may, and still not use food to comfort me.



There were a few things I did to fix my horrible no good very bad day....I went and bought healthy snacks for a BBQ so I knew I would have something to eat, I spent the morning with a friend, I talked and cried with my husband and leaned on him, then I built a new old country play list. I did all of this after praying and asking God, to help me out of the funk and not by eating my way out of it.

 My day did not start out the greatest but with a little prayer and a lot of letting go, I had an amazing night at Marriage enrichment. Learning new coping mechanisms has been a liberating process.

I am not where I want to be...I still crave the stuff I have stopped eating, but I had an experience yesterday which leads me to the success part of the blog.......

 So yesterday was the last day of the No Junk Food Challenge...and today is the first day of the 21 day fix so I knew if I was going to get anything baked and snack cake like....it had to be yesterday. Well...I had a birthday party to go to and of course there were cupcakes. They were amazing! They tasted awesome and I am looking at talking to the baker for Ab's party next month....BUT I will only be eating a Mini one. It was (my fat kid is cringing as I say this) TOO sweet. My sweet tooth is disappearing. Like I still want something sweet, but I am now looking at fruits and dark chocolate, so I can say I crushed that part of what I was working for.

 Now today, my 21 day fix kicks off...a workout tonight, 7500 steps, meal prepping and planning to be done....all to get stronger and one day closer to where I want to be! I can say I have ticked off another goal....be able to diet like a normal person without a crazy binge....

I still do not want a soda...I still am not missing a lot of the previous triggers. I can thank God for that one! He has replaced so many behaviors in my life and I can not wait to get the book I ordered...More of Him, less of me to use in conjunction with the current weight loss goals!

As it said in today's Food for Thought...
"Our Thoughts are restless till they find rest in God." We need to eat for sustenance  not fulfillment. We need to stop using food as a reward or a comfort. It simply keeps us moving, and as I thought about this, I thought about my mini.  We do not use food as a treat or a reward in the house because of my unhealthy eating habits. I do not want her to have a love hate relationship with food and I do not want her to go through this struggle. Just as I teach her to pray and follow Jesus, I teach her proper and healthy ways to look at food!


So that is my week...a crazy up and down and roller coaster of emotions, but I can say even at my worst...I was still living in recovery and I used all the tools God handed me to make it happen!
Till next week....Just for today I will rejoice in the success!