Let's take a look at my October this year compared to an October last year...2018: I had a plan, I kinda saw it through, I got an injury and I stopped. I went back to eating what I want, no workouts, and I said nope...I restarted December 29th,2018.
2019: I have continued a focus on small changes daily. A timed nutrition type of plan, breakfast by 6/6:30, snack around 10, lunch at 12:30, snack at 3, dinner eaten and nothing but water or possibly coffee/tea after 7pm. 5 days a week a half mile-ish walk at lunch, continued work on quitting smoking, and eating more veggies plus morning dance parties or workouts. I have not thrown in the towel for...(ready for this??) 309 days!!!
Now, I want to take a moment here, have I eaten fast food--YUP, have I eaten the candy, drank the soda, or the frap?? Again YUP I have. This is a journey. These are habits and things that I have done for 20 plus of my almost 39 years of life. But I have learned from these things. I have learned how to swap out the candy for kind bars, Luna bars, cliff bars. I have started using less coffee creamer as well as cut my coffee back on most days. I also have focused on more things than doing this weight loss thing perfectly. See, I am a reforming all or nothing-er. Let me explain this....
If I can't do it perfectly, why do it at all??? Well, now I have an answer for that. The reason to do it, is because everyday I get better at it. It is kinda like my journey with grief. See, October normally brings the biggest test to my commitment. I deal with grief, I deal with anger, and I deal with the most difficult issues-this month was water coming out of a light switch, no hot water for 2 days, and that was just in the first week. I have started and stopped a traditional type of workout a few times too. So how can I say that I am at 309, well now 310 days of successful transitions?
Because this first year of be here a year was not about hitting every attempt at the level of perfection, but in fact in progress and I do in fact have 310 days of successful small changes that are leading up to big changes. I have can look back at each day and find something in everyday that is leading to something bigger. I have a data collection that shows me what is working, what is not.
Earlier this year the biggest what is not working came to an end. I am not meant for retail management, it does not hack my happy and the combination of the workload as well as the stress of being on my feet for long hours, it aggravates chronic conditions leaving me useless on my days off. The schedule does not allow for a work life balance. It does not allow for me to create a balance, yes not find but yet create a balance, between mom/wife/student/employee/and getting fit-as well as finding me time. I am still finding new ways to tweak this balance. I do not feel so overwhelmed anymore as I sit here at 6am writing before work. (No school and Hubby has the day off leads to some extra Me time this morning!) So with a little help from a friend, a whole lot of prayer, and the confidence to get out of my comfort zone...I found a job I could see becoming a career!
I also am working on dealing with stress better. This past month has taught me, I can pause feel all the feels and then move on to an extent. I still need some work on a few things. Like getting things in place to put in a traditional work out. I am gonna let you in on a little secret, I had a moment of just throw in the towel....then the towel was thrown back at me. Let me explain...I was looking at the year as well if I don't lose x number of pounds, complete x number of programs, and do all the things then this was not a successful year. Truth is, since I started this blog, 7 years ago (DUDE 7 YEARS) as a new mom in her 30's with almost a year of marriage under her belt I never thought I would still be doing this let alone still focused on continuing this journey. This year though is the year I have learned the most about myself and while I have had some setbacks this year, this is the biggest breakthrough I have ever has as well as biggest setup for a comeback.
I am applying the coaching I pay for, I am using the tools I have acquired and that I pay for. I finally have found the combination of holistic medications to handle my chronic conditions. I am at a place that I can see I need help and I ask for it. I am at a place where I am learning how foods make me feel and what serves me. I am also breaking cycles that had been so ingrained in me, I would need ancestry to tell me how far back they really started. I am learning that a solid foundation is what I was missing all of the other attempts. I am learning my mental health was the thing that was truly standing in my way, specifically in the winter months. It was not the cold, it was not the early darkness, it was my unwillingness to dig through the hard and get to the roots of the issues.
As I wrap this up, I want to share a story from this past weekend where I figured out that I am growing. I got wrapped up in poor customer service and things out of my control twice this weekend. I finally reached a resolution on both of them yesterday. I got angry and was irritated, I talked it out and finally have fully calmed down. I did not eat the emotions, nor did I shop them away. What I did was two hours of rage cleaning and ended up having a clean house which left me felt better served then eating it or buying things I did not need. I dealt with things differently. I kept calm and demanded that the company make things right, twice with one company. It was not an easy weekend, but I got it done. I also found a new level of growth in the frustration that was not clear till I talked it out.
So yes, I have screwed up, I have had setbacks, I have had failures in attempts this year. I have learned more from this year where I keep trying and I keep fighting back, I keep getting up and I keep moving forward with a different attempt at it and finding that so far this has been my most successful year in learning who I am and going after the life I want!
