I started this little blog as an outlet. I was a new Mom with an almost 5 month old. I was a new stay at home mom and wife. I hadn't even been married a year. I was dieting and frustrated at times with non moving scales, planned work out attempts and having to cancel cause well Go Army!, and this was a not only a way to stay "accountable" it was an outlet to expressing all things frustrating.
I went back and reread a few of the other entries...I went from one or two here and there, in the first year, October 2012-July 2013, there were 28 total entries, I have 37 for January to now. I went from debunking dieting issues and myths...to ranting about non scale movement...to taking responsibility.
So here we sit...3 years later, same weightish..but a different person. I am humbled by not only the fact people have read, have plus oned it on google plus, have followed the in the midst Facebook page, and finally have gotten me to 52 page views away from 5000 in three years.
So what has the last three years taught me? It has taught me that while the scale is not doing what I want it to do...there is progress. There is progress because I am changing. I am growing. I am on the path to being who I truly want to be. There have been some goals set that have never been actualized, or they were and I got scared and self sabotaged.
BUT there have been many actualized, I am no longer a hermit. I am in my second year of real school and I did get my medical coder and billers certificate. I survived that first year of marriage and added 3 more to it...4 years married this November. And I have a beautiful 3 year old, who has a mommy who plays and is trying to be an outside mommy a few days a week.
The biggest thing I learned in these last few years...I am much stronger than I thought. This year has been that turning point and where I have seen that. I got honest about my eating disorder. I got myself on a track to fix it...I am working through the why and the mental so much so, I am no longer dieting...hence the name change. I am also no longer Mad.
I have let go of a lot of anger and fear this year. I have embraced that my life is not going to be what I had planned...there is a bigger more powerful being who has that covered. I have learned that life with a toddler is chaos in itself. As an army wife, I must roll with the changes...some at less than 24 hours notice.
I have given up control....the only thing I know for certain...I love my wonderfully crazy, challenging, chaotic life. As I move further and further into the storm of life, I am finding peace in situations that once caused me turmoil. I am finding a new found love and understanding for spending time in prayer and mediation, and above all else....I am finding that my life is nothing short of a beautifully imperfect disaster that is so far from what I had thought it would be...you would have to pry it from my cold dead hands!
And finally what I have learned in these few short years...I do have something to say, I do love writing, and I know my mom would be proud of what I have done...even if the first two years I let life pass me by. No more of that...
Just for today...I am gonna live and I am gonna embrace the crazy, the suck, and everything in between. Thanks for reading and I hope to get another three good years in!
