Welcome Back to the Land of the Living: Year 2!

 So I made it past a year....I know this is a week over the date...I got busy doing some real life stuff but here goes...the pic you are seeing is where I started and where I am headed. By the time I am done, I will have literally lost a whole person.

This is the current real life to date and in 2 days I do this months start and end so I am ready to take on September! Did I mention my kiddo starts school so I get to do some focused workouts! Hoping to get 1 or 2 miles plus a Zumba work out at least 3 days a week!

This is a huge accomplishment....Now to work to just overweight! To do that I need to hit 160's and I will be working my tail off literally to make that happen.

So this is me...in one leg of a pair of 5x sweatpants. In total I have gotten together 9 bags of my clothes, my mini's clothes, and stuffed animals of things that do not fit, are overkill, and that just needs to go. This is why it took me so long to sit down and write this. I made it very clear I was not coming back to this moment! So what comes next?

This is what is next! 28 pounds till I hit 200! I have not seen One-derland since I was in high school....so the week after I hit this, major party at my house. I am looking at a 2-3 pound weight loss a week so 14 weeks till then....I am hoping my 36th birthday gift to myself is 200 pounds! But of course, one day, one step, one pound at times.

This is the final phase from 200 to 160ish! This will be December-May...this means realistically staying the current path, I will meet Goal weight in roughly 9 months! Just shy of 2 years since I started my journey I will have lost half of myself.

The half I lost were the worst parts of me. The negative, the full of self loathing and doubt, and the part that said I would never do it! So like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, I am becoming who I want to be. Each time I meet a goal, I hit a milestone, and push myself past my comfort zone, I am resurrecting from the flames and destroying that part of me I do not like.

 But the truth of it also comes back to, I am not doing this on my own. I have done this only by the grace of God. His plan for me was not to be fat, miserable, and a part of the couch. I am seeing more and more what is plan for me is and I am excited to see what the final outcome will be.

In the past year, I have learned I will never escape my conditions. I will never be depression free, I will always have fibromyalgia, I will always be in recovery from a BED,  and I will always have a form of PCOS.  What I will not have is the victims attitude. Why yes, I can not drink a mountain dew, but I can wear clothes smaller than before I had my daughter. Why yes, I can't eat a Reese Cup, but I can show my daughter how to obtain a degree and a career you love, not just a job. Why yes, Doritos are off the menu....but I can make an amazing paleo meal that will make you want to stop eating Doritos too!

 See now that I am a week into year two, I have a new found appreciation for my recovery. It is true, my worst day in recovery has been better than my best day in relapse. I no longer worry about where I am going to eat, but what we are doing before and after the meal. Meal planning and prepping is a key to that. Changing the diet itself has helped.

 Let me clarify, I am not dieting...I literally changed the food I consistently shop for.  I spend more time on the outskirts of the aisles and less time in them. I also go down less of the aisles. There is a little bit in pride that I no longer crave these things that are processed...hell this fat kid no longer wants pizza! Too much carbs not enough protein. More proof....I am becoming who I was supposed to be.

Officially, the old me that I was is back....I am happy. This next year my goals are

1. To maintain my recovery...it is something I must commit to everyday
2. To further step out of comfort zone and be able to use spoken prayer in public not just song. 
3. To find an entry level job in my career path to help with the big transition my family faces in the upcoming months. 
4. To not eat my way through this transition
5. To see the blog hit 6500 hits
6. To start writing my story and see if I have a book in there somewhere!

 Now, yes I have goals for a year...this is the vision for the year, for today, I am just going to complete my to do list.

As I bring this to a close, I want to let you know, you are not alone if you are  battling any kind of an addiction/depression/chronic condition. There are all kinds of face to face support, on line, or even call in support groups. You do not have to face this head on with what feels like no one in your corner.


I never felt more alone than I did at the beginning of my journey and a simple Facebook search put me where I needed to be. If anything, if you are reading this....I am in your corner!

One pound, one step, one day at time I took my life back.... Now one pound, one step, one day at a time I really LIVE my life! As Pam Tillis said in a song oh so many many many years ago....


Welcome back to the Land of the Living!!